The Weightless blog recently posted about Shame and Healing Your Body Image. Shame is something I have felt the majority of my life as I kept looking for the best way to lose weight. I’ve experienced it from body image issues to even my own son. It’s so hard to admit but it’s true. Logan has high-functioning autism and he doesn’t always act like the other kids. I know my issues with shame and worry for how other kids perceive him totally stems from my days of being fat and bullied in the same school he goes to now.
It’s difficult because no one wants to feel shame for themselves or even for their children. In the article the author says…
…defines shame as: “an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.”
Shame comes in all different shapes and sizes. It doesn’t matter how big or small the situation. Shame can weigh heavily on us, no matter the magnitude.
Belonging. I always craved it and never really felt like I did. And, now, I watch my son “not belong”. Partly by choice due to his non-interest at times with other kids, and sometimes because he just find a way to fit in. My God, it breaks my heart and it’s a worry I carry most hours of every day. There are times I feel like I don’t have time to be his mother for fear I’m wasting a precious moment I could be helping him learn to “fit in.”
I remember how it feels to not fit in and thought I just needed to find the best way to lose weight. If I could lose that weight I would just “be happy.” At times I couldn’t…
- Fit into the games for the shame I felt how my body moved compared to the other kids.
- Fit into cute clothes because I was severely obese as a child.
- Fit into seats on an airplane or meeting without spilling over and pushing into the next person.
And so on and so on. A lot of my life I was ashamed at how I just didn’t fit in anywhere.
Finally, after never finding the best way to lose weight, I was ashamed of the mother I was becoming. It took never finding the best way to lose weight to finally lose 100lbs. I learned there wasn’t one way. There was a day I just had to start doing SOMETHING…ANYTHING and I didn’t care if it was the best or not.
The Best Way To Lose Weight
My turning point to losing weight and keeping it off was finding online support and finding my own RIGHT way. The best way to lose weight was always so simple; quit trying to be perfect and find other people to talk to about how imperfect it really is to live a healthy, active lifestyle. I started posting on the Weight Watcher boards and then created my OWN private community of women working to change their life.
Since then I have formed lasting friendships, accountability partners, learned how to pass my knowledge on, and been motivated to be my best because I feel like others count on me.
Again, from the Weightless blog…
The truth is that we’re not perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. Talking about these truths brings us together.
Shame thrives in isolation. But shame shrinks as soon as you realize, Really? You, too.
For my clients and myself, once we discovered that many women fight the same thoughts, feelings, and battles did we see it’s OK to feel rather than eat our way out of problems. Battles like…
- Husbands who are not considerate about the foods you just CAN’T keep in the house. They don’t get it. Why can’t you control yourself?
- Kids who want “junk food” and you feel bad for not letting them “be kids.”
- Family members who always say, “live a little – don’t diet when you are with us,” and them not understanding you will be the one filled with shame the next day looking at your naked self.
- Always searching for that DIET that is going to be once and for all the best way to lose weight YET it makes you hungry, tired, miserable and definitely nothing you could do long-term.
- Waking up daily to a body that is saggy, lumpy, and nothing like woman who busts ass religiously in the gym.
- Hating how you feel when you walk up stairs, have to walk around the mall, or go clothes shopping. Your body and your soul hurt all the time.
That’s the stuff we think and that’s WHY you need others to walk the journey with you. Again, the absolute best way to lose weight is to quit thinking you are alone, quit thinking your mistakes are limited to you, and start working with others who are ready to fight with you. We have a great Facebook page and you can ask me more about joining our private online community.