In quiet moments, many of us have ugly conversations with ourselves.
It leads to BUSYING ourselves into exhaustion.
Busy means less time to think.
Less time to feel bad about ourselves.
We fill our days with things trying to escape our worst enemy…the voice in our head.
I see podcast listeners binge at 8 pm. Why? When they are alone they can’t stand the judgment of themselves.
They sit on the couch intending not to eat. Next up? They think about food.
If they don’t eat they start thinking of their failures, they imagine never getting to their goals, and they beat themselves up for being overweight to begin with.
Then they give in just to shut off the inner critic.
If this sounds like you…
You are tired of being your own personal punching bag.
You overeat to feel better.
You have a hard time thinking you can ever love yourself.
Then this is the episode for you. Click here to listen to How to Talk to Yourself to Lose Weight.
It’s going to help you understand what’s going on with you and what to do about it.
Corinne tells a story about a dream that she had about Dolly Parton. Corinne would love to meet both Oprah and Dolly Parton
What is fat girl thinking? This is the week in the Tribe where we talk about an inner fat girl thinking. The Tribe has been taught the basics and future self. This is when we dig into why we do the things we do. Why we think the way we do.
Most of us go through life without questioning what we think. “You hurt my feelings.” Nobody can hurt your feelings. They are just words that are happening around you. You get to decide what you want to think about the things happening around you.
In the book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl, he was in a concentration camp and he was the father of the concept that what you think is totally on you and that will get you through stuff. They could take away his freedom, but they couldn’t take away how he was thinking about each day.
When you think something, you’re going to feel something. When you feel angry, you’ll end up acting angry.
Corinne had a teacher in the Tribe that couldn’t understand why she eats her face off every day at 4 pm. Corinne asked her why she does it and the teacher said that she just can’t fight the urges at 4 pm because she’s emotionally and physically spent by that time. Corinne realized the solution wasn’t fighting the 4 pm urges, but addressing being emotionally spent from the day. She had her listen to what she was thinking about for a week. She came back a week later with a lot of thoughts. She had negative thoughts running through her head all day and didn’t try to correct them and that was causing her to be emotionally spent later in the day. She was thinking that the kids should act better. The kids are six-year-olds. Expecting them to act perfect every day is an unrealistic thought and set her up for let down. Corinne said, “if every time a kid didn’t behave perfectly if you didn’t have a bunch of drama about it, wouldn’t it make you feel better?” You can also have compassion for them. You’re expecting them to be emotionally mature when you’re going home binge eating due to your own emotions. You’re eating instead of sitting still and paying attention to your thoughts. You’re acting out in the pantry.
You have thoughts about these kids, you get frustrated, and you come home and eat proving that they shouldn’t act this way and I shouldn’t act this way either.
You are in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
When you stop blaming and stop thinking that something outside of you causes you to eat, you suddenly have to take responsibility and you give yourself a new choice.
“I’m so tired of food controlling me. I want to control the food.” The only way to do this is to manage thoughts and feelings yourself.
Fat girl thinking is that inner voice that is harsh, is a victim, calls you names, it’s the heavy negativity inside of you. It helps you to justify overeating because you’re already overweight.
Spend a week listening to what you think about:
1. You need to do thought downloads/journaling and models. This will bring to the surface what you’ve always been thinking that has caused you to eat. You’re never going to find a magic plan that fixes you without addressing how you talk to yourself.
2. Learn to not judge. Once you realize the mess of thoughts in your head, don’t judge them. Everyone has error thoughts. Don’t be afraid of what you’ll uncover. Don’t judge yourself for having the thoughts, to begin with. It’s just stuff I think, do I want to keep it or not?
When you’re willing to listen to what you think, you’re now willing to decide what you think. Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to believe it.
If you think “I’m fat” you can instead choose to think “I’m Corinne [fill in your name]”.
When you’re willing to hear what you’re thinking, you start to hear the little things you choose to eat over.
The behavioral chain analysis: when you have an overeat, look back over your day to see where you may have created the perfect storm to respond with food.
If you’ve spent all day thinking negatively about how other people are behaving and you’re hard on yourself, of course, you’re going to overeat.
When we’re not working on our own thinking, it’s much easier to judge everyone else.
We have to start understanding what we’re currently thinking and going through it and deciding what’s worth keeping and what’s not and not judging ourselves for it and put in things that will make us feel better each day.
The urges are much easier to manage and happen less frequently when we manage our minds.
What is my opinion of me?
When you’re upset, it’s not a sign to escape that feeling, but to stop and figure out why you’re upset and sit with it.
You have to think better things even if it doesn’t feel natural at first.
Your brain is like a computer. Over time, you can reprogram it, but you have to be willing to put in the energy and effort.
With enough time, energy, effort, and community you can change.
Was I willing to make small lasting changes over time?
Was I willing to go to bed exhausted because I spent the day working to think better thoughts?
Was I willing to keep doing it over and over again?
Was I willing to create a support system around me? In the Tribe there are coaches and accountability groups. If you’re not in the Tribe, it’s out there you just have to find it.
I’ve been thinking this, but maybe I could think this.
It took Kathy a while to get to the point where she could hear what she was saying and know she needed to correct it.
Give yourself compassion for some of the thoughts that come up and move on. Decide they aren’t the truth anymore.
If you ignore what you’re thinking, you’re going to get the same shitty results you’ve always had. If you don’t like the current results in your life, you probably have thought errors you need to work on.
You need to think about what you think about, rather than thinking things and letting it play out.
“Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl
“Atomic Habits” by James Clear