Episode 226: Why Weightloss Is So Hard

Corinne:

Hi, I’m Corinne. After a lifetime of obesity, being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class and losing and gaining weight like it was my job, I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds. Each week, I’ll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice you can use to overcome your battle with weight. I keep it simple. You’ll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that, and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. If you’re ready to figure out weight loss, then let’s go.

Corinne:

All right. Hey everybody. So this week we are going to be talking about the concept of why weight loss is so hard. I think a lot of us sit around and we have… Well, let me just back up. One of the reasons why weight loss is hard is because we have been conditioned to do extremely asshole things in order to lose weight.

Corinne:

I want you guys to just, if you just could take a breath and think about why is the weight loss industry set up the way it is? Most of it, I think I read something this morning where they said that over a billion dollars that’s made in the weight loss industry is from quick fix type things. So like the pill industry, the shake industry, the detox industry, all of the different facets of weight loss, where their whole thing is, if you do this quick fix, you’ll get a quick result but this fix is going to be hard.

Corinne:

So I want you to think about one of the reasons why we sit around and think about weight loss as being hard is we’re really conditioned to believe that that’s just true. And that weight loss is going to be one of the hardest things we’ll ever do. If you go to a doctor, I was on a podcast yesterday with Suzy Rosenstein, who is a menopause and midlife coach. And we were both talking about how many of her clients go to the doctor, and the second they hit menopause, the doctor just says, well, I hate to tell you, but here’s how many pounds you’re going to gain and here’s all the reasons why you’ll never be able to lose weight again.

Corinne:

If you think about it, it’s coming at us from every angle. So we’re being marketed solutions that trick us to thinking, well, hard must be the way you do it. Our physicians do the same thing. they’ll tell us we need to lose weight, but then they’ll basically sit there and tell us all the reasons why it’s going to be so hard, most people fail.

Corinne:

I’m like sitting there going, all right, if I come to you and you’re a doctor and you’re telling me I need to lose weight, why don’t you fucking motivate me? Why don’t you tell me that it’s possible? Why don’t you tell me all the amazing benefits? What’s an easy way to get started? They don’t do that. They just like, you’re probably going to die. Here’s all the diseases you’re going to get and most people fail. And then they wonder why we go home and eat our faces off after a doctor’s appointment.

Corinne:

Then you’ve got this whole idea of the menopause women. The doctors on that side act like our bodies change in such a way that we can’t lose weight. Now there is science for all things. So nobody needs to come on stage and argue with me and no one needs to email in and let me know how wrong I am, I got science. For every article that’s out there that talks about how weight loss is hard and how behind the eight ball we are, there are other articles out there that will prove an alternate reality true also.

Corinne:

So my whole thing about weight loss being hard, comes down to something super simple. Let’s just start with what we absolutely have control over, which is, let’s not make weight loss harder on ourselves with our bullshit thinking around the clock.

Corinne:

So I was talking to Kathy, who is my cohost. I was talking to her about this on Sunday, about how we just emotionally make it harder than it has to be. So there’s the actual things that you’re going to need to do that are going to be different, that you’re going to have to get used to, that you’re going to need to change. You’re going to have behavioral patterns that you’re going to want to change. There are things like that and some of the people who are coming up on stage today are asking, why can’t I stop at enough? Why is it hard for me to not just clean my plate? Those kinds of things.

Corinne:

So there’s like the practical application of habit that it’s not… I want you all to think about this, that part is not hard. What that part is, is it’s different. And it takes time for you to get used to doing something different. In my mind, this is how I like to think about it because y’all go into and be like, oh my God is fucking hard to stop at enough and wait for hunger.

Corinne:

And y’all will say all that and will feel anxious and terrible and wonder why it’s hard to pull the trigger, to actually do the thing in the moment. And the way I like to think about it is, if I’m going to… Let’s say I’m going to learn how to stop at enough. That means I’m probably most meals because I’ve always overserved myself and ate til fucking full or stuff. That means in the beginning, I might not even know how to serve myself in appropriate serving. So I am going to have to leave food behind.

Corinne:

And I don’t want to go into it thinking about how hard it’s going to be, but I can sit there and give myself some grace and compassion for thinking, this will take some getting used to. I bet over time, I’ll end up getting used to it. Maybe if I start off with small changes, it will feel very doable. That’s a whole different fucking mindset. And we’re talking about doing the exact same thing.

Corinne:

But we go into so much of weight loss with hard ass thinking. And that’s the real culprit. It’s not the things that we’re going to be doing, it’s always the hard ass thinking that we layer on top of some behavioral changes. That’s it. So there’s three common ways that most of us are making weight loss hard. Number one is, a lot of people do not realize how defeating, how anxious and how frustrating it is to go through the day hoping that you’re going to stay on plan, hoping that you are not going to screw up, hoping that you don’t overeat tonight.

Corinne:

I always say, stop trying to use the diet drug called [opium 00:06:42]. It does not work, because… I want all of you to sit for a moment and think about this. If you get up in the morning and your thought is, well, I had a good day yesterday, I hope I don’t screw it up today. How many of us have done that in our jobs, with our food, with anything that we’re trying to do?

Corinne:

And when you think, well, I did a good job yesterday, I just hope I don’t screw it up today. How does that feel? A feeling is a one word emotion. Most of us would say things like anxious, nervous. That is not the kind of feelings that you need in order to lose weight. If you’re like me, the more you cause yourself to feel anxious and nervous, the closer you are to eating, because for a lot of us who have weight to lose, when we feel those kinds of emotions, we tend to want to eat to get away from them.

Corinne:

So one of the easiest ways to lose weight is to tamp down on how often you are causing yourself unnecessary emotional suffering. There is going to be plenty of bullshit that happens in the world without you adding a layer of shit on top of it. So number one is always, watch for, if you’re going through the day, hoping to stay on plan. That’s one of the ways that we make weight loss hard.

Corinne:

Number two is, we sit around a lot of the times and we think we can’t control ourselves around food. And so then we end up restricting the very foods that we don’t have practice at eating like a normal fucking human being. And people wonder why it was like, well then when it appears, you go to a holiday. For me, a lot of times people will send me food gifts.

Corinne:

You can’t control all that. But if I’m never practicing being around foods that I love and learning how to eat them in a really normal way, guess what, I’ve got no practice eating them like a sane person. All I have is all the practice rats where I ate my face off. And then I’m wondering why just keep doing that. So one of the things that we do that makes weight loss hard is that we sit around and we obsess over, I can’t control myself around food, rather than sitting around thinking about, I can learn how to do this differently. I’m willing to figure out how to eat this differently.

Corinne:

When I was losing my 100 pounds, it was a startup ice cream, just [Honda 00:09:17] sewer. I love the ice cream. I had about a half a gallon a day. I loved ice cream. And one of the things for a long time, I always had this big story around food is, it’s just too hard for me to control myself around it. I was always an overeater. I grew up the buffets, I grew up very poor. My mom always told us, eat all you can, we don’t know when the next time we’re going to eat is.

Corinne:

So by the time I got into my 20s and stuff, I just had this story about eating in volume. That that’s just who I was and that it was really hard for me to stop. And when I decided to lose weight, I had to stop focusing on sitting around thinking that I couldn’t control myself around food. I knew that if I was going to lose weight, I had to learn how to do that. And so I had to start thinking more about, so today, what am I going to practice on? Today, how am I going to learn how to eat just a little bit less? How am I going to learn how to be around my favorite foods in a way that I get to enjoy them, but not stuff myself with them?

Corinne:

When I put my brain to work on that stuff, I didn’t feel as anxious, I didn’t feel as out of control, I didn’t feel like the food had a big old ass pair lips on it talking to me all the time. I had to really watch for when I was having those kinds of things and remind myself, that’s not necessarily true. In the past, maybe I’ve overate, but it wasn’t because the food controlled me and it wasn’t because I was out of control, it’s because I hadn’t learned yet how to leave a few bites behind. I just hadn’t learned yet how to sit there and trust that I would be able to have these foods when I plan them.

Corinne:

I had spent years and years and years of I was either eating my face off or I was not having them at all. And there was no in-between. I had to learn what in-between was. And I think a lot of us do this when we have been suffering in the diet industry with all their stuff, is that we don’t realize the middle lane is where we’re supposed to be. We either practice turning a blind eye and just eating all the things or we practice shaming ourselves saying I can’t control myself around food so therefore I have to take all of it away.

Corinne:

And we never give ourselves a third option, which is probably just need to learn new ways to be around this food in a way that works for me, in a way that allows me to feel like I’m in control. And then the third thing is a lot of us, we make weight loss harder because we don’t allow ourselves to feel good or proud.

Corinne:

We sit and we think about every way in that we have is like, well, I lost some weight this week. It of goes back to number one too. I hope I don’t screw it up this week. I hope this keeps going or I lost this week, which probably means next week I won’t.

Corinne:

We do a lot of having successes and diminishing them and we make weight loss harder because we never allow ourselves to feel good about the changes we’re making. We will, maybe you have lunch and let’s say you planned a salad and you ate your salad and you immediately go to, I’ll probably screw up at dinner, I hope I don’t screw up at dinner, I’m so nervous about dinner tonight. We will not even sit there for a second and think, I did so good. I am so glad that I followed my plan, this the salad is going to give me energy for the afternoon. We don’t even sit there and come up with any decent thoughts in that moment. We just immediately go into our anxiety ridden, worrisome thoughts, and we don’t stop ourselves.

Corinne:

And so when we’re always allowing ourselves to, well, I got through this moment, now let me stress out and worry about the next one. When we do that, guess what, weight loss becomes hard. And we set ourselves up for all of this. And so I just want all of you to walk away knowing that the behavioral changes in and of themselves are going to feel different.

Corinne:

When I teach the four basics, all of you, there’s no secret to what my four basics are. You’re going to drink water, you’re going to get seven or more hours of sleep every night. That’s 50% of the game right there. And please y’all don’t poop all over my four basics and say that water and sleep isn’t good enough. That is some fucking bullshit. I always say this, don’t worry about water and sleep.

Corinne:

If you were the kind of person sitting around going, woo, I sure hope I have some cravings today. I would love to just sit and want food all day long. I hope that my brain is just dying for temptations all day long. If you want that kind of life, be dehydrated and sleep deprived because your brain auto-corrects by making you want food for that shitty ass behavior.

Corinne:

So that’s 50% of it right there, is get your to bed and grab a glass of water. The other half is these behavioral changes that takes some getting used to. When you have lived a life of using food to belong, fit in, because it’s fine to pass the time, to give you some energy in the afternoon, to decompress, to relax, to avoid feeling so lonely, to cope with stress.

Corinne:

When you’ve lived a lifetime of that, the other two require some behavior changes. And that is, you got to wait until you’re home hungry. You can’t be eating anymore because you’re emotionally hungry. You can’t be eating anymore because it’s time, you can’t be eating any more because at three o’clock, you’re bored as fuck at work and you got two more hours. And all you’re doing is sitting there thinking about how you just wish the next two hours would roll by so you run off to the snack machine.

Corinne:

We also have to stop when we’ve had enough. We have to unlearn the habit of eating until we got our money’s worth, till the plate is clean, to make sure the cook knows that we appreciate them because it tastes so good. We have to unlearn all these behavior patterns around food. We have to actually stop at, I’ve enjoyed it, I’ve had enough for my body and I’ll get to have it again, I just don’t need any more right now.

Corinne:

And then the last thing we have to do is we have to learn how to, I think it’s really important when you’re trying to lose weight, that you create your own daily plan of these are the things I’m going to eat, I’ve thought it through, it emotionally takes care of me, physically takes care of me, it takes into account the kind of day I’m going to have. If I’m going to be rushed and I’m going to have like I’m going to need to go through, drive through. I’m going to plan that ahead. I don’t want to roll up into McDonald’s stressed out and busy thinking fuck it, I might as well eat. I want to roll up into McDonald’s knowing this was on my plan, and here’s why I decided I would have.

Corinne:

So that my stressed out, too busy tired version of me is it perusing the menu, trying to figure out what to order. That’s the wrong person to ever turnover the agency of your decisions too. Is that we make these plans so that we can start thinking ahead about what we want for ourselves today, what we need today, plus what our future self wants, who does lose her weight?

Corinne:

So if we’re going to make weight loss easy, we have to start with first and foremost, unloading all the emotional baggage that we’re carrying around that right there will get us to the point to where we can start creating the story we want around losing weight. All right, Sarah, let’s move into questions.

Sarah:

All right, we’re going to go ahead and move into questions, but I just want to let everyone know that at the top of the hour, Corinne is going to be sharing three ways to make weight loss, even easier for you. So stay tuned and stick around for that. We’ve got Sue here up on stage with us. Good morning Sue, would you like to unmute and say, my question is.

Sue:

Good morning. My question is. All right, the thrill is gone, the novelty’s worn off and I’m back in the [road 00:17:04] and I find it harder, and harder, and harder. I know what to do, I know how to do, I just don’t do, help.

Corinne:

Well, here’s the thing Sue. Novelty, the thrill, those feelings don’t wear off. Your thoughts change when you first started what were you thinking?

Sue:

I was thinking that maybe this will work. Because I always knew it was about my head and not my mouth.

Corinne:

Okay. So what are you thinking now? It obviously it isn’t, maybe this will work.

Sue:

Well, I still know. I still think that maybe this will work, finally.

Corinne:

Okay. Well give me a thought then that generates this feeling, excitement, thrill. Give me a thought that you were thinking when it was like it was thrilling.

Sue:

It’s something new, it’s something I haven’t tried before, it’s…

Corinne:

Yeah. Well you can do that every single day. Try taking one last bite and [yesterday 00:17:57] I’d be like, “It’s this new, I hadn’t tried this one before. This is great.”

Sue:

Well, that’s a possibility. It’s [crosstalk 00:18:05]

Corinne:

A possibility or do you… Go ahead.

Sue:

I fight myself all the time.

Corinne:

Yeah. Well, that’s the thing though. You’re acting as if the fighting yourself is just happening to you. What’s happening is you’re fighting with yourself and you’re sitting back with a bag of popcorn watching it like, “Oh my gosh, I just noticed that I’m fighting with myself,” instead of being in the game… You need to be the referee and the game blowing like, “Oh, I noticed I’m fighting myself. I need to blow the whistle and bring the cheerleaders in.”

Corinne:

If you want it to be thrilling, and you want it to be exciting, and you want to feel good about it, that doesn’t have any, I’m not going to be able to tell you any actions. Actions don’t cause feelings, your thoughts do, and you’re not giving yourself those thoughts right now. How many times do you do something right? Do you just like, “Fuck yeah, this is thrilling. I’m so glad I did this. Look, I made my plan today this is going to make my life so much easier today.” I mean, how many times a day in a week are you doing that kind of conversation?

Sue:

Not enough, but I am doing it more than I used to be doing. So I do find myself stopping and thinking a lot more. And I guess I just need to do more of that.

Corinne:

Yeah. That’s literally the answer. Because let me tell you, Sue, you’re like, “Help, tell me what to do.” If I said, well, you should do the four basics or you’re like, “Oh, that’s the answer, now I’m thrilled and novel all over again.”

Sue:

Yeah. I think I’m going to go listen to No BS Again. The whole [inaudible 00:19:37] over again because I know there’ve been changes and I just need to [crosstalk 00:19:42]

Corinne:

When’s the last time you listened to the Core Program?

Sue:

It’s probably been six months.

Corinne:

Okay. There’s not been that many changes. Here, I’ve got two pieces of advice for you, but this is the thing, I’m going to give you a couple of things to do.

Sue:

Okay.

Corinne:

But if your thought is, well, I hope this works or well, Corinne said to do it. So I’m going to try it and see what happens. If you’re looking for thrill and novelty, feelings and excitement, it won’t matter what I tell you to do until you decide to back it up with the kind of thinking that you want to drive your feelings. That’s on you, that’s not on action steps, that’s not on your do line.

Corinne:

And when you’re in the middle of all this, when your brain is wanting to go to do-do veil and it wants to argue, I want you to quit fighting it. I just want you to say, I get it. My habit brain still likes these thoughts, but I’m learning all these over here and you got to insert them and you got to tell me how many years are you willing to navigate your brain with its old thinking to feel better?

Sue:

How many years?

Corinne:

Yeah.

Sue:

As long as it takes.

Corinne:

Yeah. I’d say to the grave.

Sue:

Yeah. And it probably will go by [crosstalk 00:21:00]

Corinne:

It always is. Exactly. And for all of us, as long as we have thinking, you will have negative thinking. It’s the way the brain was designed. Now, if y’all want to go and check into a psychiatric hospital and get a lumpectomy, you can go do that and hope that they’ll take out the part that has negative thinking. But that’s about as close as that we can get, or you can sell your soul to the devil, one or the other.

Sue:

Not an option.

Corinne:

Exactly. So it’s, that’s why I asked, it’s almost like a trick question. People are just like, “What, how many years?” It’s like, if I thought that the promise was, if I keep work, every time I work on my mind and every time I negotiate for a better thought that I get to feel better, I would say I would do that all day, every day. That’d be like somebody saying, “Hey, I’m going to give you some money. And every third time you spend the slot machine, you’re going to win some money.” You’d be like, well, it really needs to be every time, how many spins… How long are you going to just keep giving me money?

Corinne:

It might be like us bitching about that. And we never would. So don’t bitch that you have a jackpot in your brain, that you have a slot machine up there. And as long as you keep spinning and as long as you keep being intentional, you’re going to hit the jackpot of thoughts over, and over, and over again. But you’ve got to go through a bunch that don’t work and that’s okay. So here’s the two things I want you to do. I would go through for you thoughts 2.0 first. I think you need to… We have a… If you go to the self study resources-

Sue:

Right.

Corinne:

… I think I would go through thoughts 2.0 first. I think you need a little bit more handle on the thought work and in thoughts 2.0 where you really dive into it. So just follow the outline that we give you in the book. And I want you to do that work first. The videos are great. The second thing is that if you want basically a reboot on No BS, when our new people join, we have a opening coming up in August fourth through the seventh, we are putting all the newbies into a beginner Facebook group. And we are going to let the members who are current, who would love to, “I’m going to do it all over again,” just like a newbie.

Corinne:

If you want the thrill, novelty, and excitement of that, when we announce that to you guys, you could sign up for that, you’ll go to the newbie Facebook group. We will also give you all of the emails newbies are going to get, where it walks them through No BS. They’re not getting special videos and stuff. They’re going to be coming to the same calls that we all do but it will be like… Think of it as like a guided tour through No BS, and you’ll be in a group where everybody is really working on the foundational stuff.

Corinne:

So if you really want that, you can always sign up for that. And that’s coming up in… We’ll probably be letting you guys sign up right at the last week of July, because we’ll want you guys. It’ll be sometime between July 25th and August the 2nd, somewhere in there we’re going to let you guys in, okay?

Sue:

That sounds great.

Corinne:

Okay. All right, Sue.

Sue:

I’d like to give a shout out to the camp cuties and [inaudible 00:24:12].

Corinne:

Thank you. Alrighty.

Sue:

All right, thanks bye.

Corinne:

You’re welcome. Bye-Bye.

Sarah:

Thank you so much for your questions Sue. And for those of you in the audience who are not a No BS woman, I wanted to let you know that Corinne is opening up her No BS Weight Loss Program for new members. So if you’re interested, you can go to nobs.club. You can take Corinne’s free weight loss course, where she explains the four basics and just how simple weight loss can be. And then you’ll be invited to join our challenge and our membership opening. And it’s going to be a really great time.

Sarah:

So that free challenge is happening August 1st through 7th. And we’re accepting new members into the No BS Weight Loss Program, August 4th through 7th. And all you need to do is go to nobs.club to get more information on that. All right, we’re going to move on to our next question. Heather, good morning. Do you want to unmute and say, my question is.

Heather:

Okay. Hello everybody. My question is well, it’s a [inaudible 00:25:18] feeling rebellious. I will go ahead and say, if you think I’m a BS woman, I’m not. So maybe you cover this and would that be helpful, I guess, to join. When I say rebellion is just like someone… My husband tells me not to go get a tattoo, I’m going to get a tattoo that day. I know that makes zero sense to most people, but there’s something about when others have expectations and put them on me, it’s like, I think I’m afraid to fail so I just go the opposite way.

Corinne:

So yeah, we do cover rebellious behavior. In fact, we just did a three-day event where one of the big topics was rebellion eating. We also did a class, I believe it was last month. We talked about rebel eating, rebel type behavior and where it stems from. It’s a self-sabotage technique that people use when they… Basically it’s when your subconscious believes that you shouldn’t be told what to do. When someone does tell you, it taps on this, basically like a childlike version of you that gets angry and is like, “No, I’m going to show you.”

Corinne:

And so sometimes what happens with rebellion behavior it’s coming up because you don’t really have a way of using your voice, that you don’t really feel comfortable saying no to people, or you don’t know how to have a conversation or you have a lot of rules around how everybody should be behaving around you. And so when those things are broken or when those things happen, the way it manifests is, well, if I don’t know how to say no, and I don’t know how to set boundaries, or I don’t know how to pause and think like, “Well, I wonder why they don’t want me to do this.” And be able to drop into their head and have empathy or understanding and stuff.

Corinne:

Then what happens is that you just react. It’s like, this is what I do when this happens. And so it’s just a learned behavior. You just have to get better at finding it and highlighting it in your life. So do you do it with… The tattoo is probably not the best of examples, I mean, I’m sure your husband isn’t daily saying don’t get a tattoo. And you’re like [crosstalk 00:27:32] “After the tattoo store.”

Heather:

No he will for real was like-

Corinne:

Give me a food related example. [crosstalk 00:27:38]

Heather:

Well, like this morning, I was talking to my biases about you actually. And he started listening and inputting his thoughts and I just wanted him to leave. And it made it not mine, I can really-

Corinne:

But why did you-

Heather:

I don’t know. [crosstalk 00:27:52]

Corinne:

But you do know. This is the thing, you’re never going to solve rebellion behavior until you learn how to uncover the way that you think. And when you’re saying, I don’t know, I don’t know, this is what happens. Then I’m going to keep the behavior that I’m doing. I don’t know means, I’m going to keep doing something that I know is detrimental to me.

Heather:

Right. Okay. I guess I want to know how to-

Corinne:

No. You can’t. here’s the thing, Heather. This is why you need to be a No BS woman. You can-

Heather:

I’m [inaudible 00:28:20], I’m coming.

Corinne:

This is the thing, everybody wants to know, well, how do I solve this before they even know the real problem?

Heather:

Okay. How do I find out the real problem? You’re saying [inaudible 00:28:30]

Corinne:

So we’ve got this dude. So you’re listening to me and you’re with your… What’d you say? Your biosis?

Heather:

I was on the phone with my biosis and he was already supposed to be at work, and we were talking about you. And I saying that I was going to do the challenge.

Corinne:

I’m going to do the challenge, and he says?

Heather:

Well, he’s like, “Oh, we started making fun of him because he has said before, well, he doesn’t like to chew.” And we were like, “Oh, that’s really tough. We’re sorry. I know chewing is so hard.” And then he was like, “Well, I mean, I like to eat bad foods. I just don’t, I just watch myself.” And I’m like, “Get out of my freaking house.” [inaudible 00:29:03]

Corinne:

Right. But why does that upset you? I want you to think about this. I’m mad that someone doesn’t have an emotional eating problem.

Heather:

It’s like a Maddie’s chime in because it’s not mine anymore. I don’t even think I knew that he knew I was listening to you. He chimes in [crosstalk 00:29:22]

Corinne:

But this is the thought that’s bothering you then. So the way that we teach everything is when we feel something negative, it’s never because of what someone says or do, is because we apply a thought to what someone says or do. So biosis says, “I just don’t eat those things.” And your thought is-

Heather:

The husband says that.

Corinne:

Oh, the husband. I thought you said, biosis.

Heather:

Now, we’re complaining that we’re fat and stupid and all that. And he said-

Corinne:

Okay, then-

Heather:

…. “Well, of course, I like to chew ice cream, but I just watch myself.” He just inserts and so then I’m like, great, now he even knows I’m listening to you. It takes it away from me. I can’t-

Corinne:

So the thought then is he’s taken… So his statement, I just don’t eat those things, makes you think he’s taken away Corinne from me.

Heather:

No, it’s high time to go to a psych ward, I probably would.

Corinne:

No. You don’t need to go to a psych ward. These are normal thoughts, but this is the problem. I can’t tell you to… This is what happens, if I told you, I know a solve for this that’s so easy. But if you’re going to try to apply myself while harboring, “He’s just sitting there, taken away Corinne from me.” He has the power to take away my joy with Corinne, he has the power to take away me feeling like I’m getting this away, then that won’t help you. You have to first and foremost understand when he says these things my brain says this. And when you think, he’s taken away Corinne from me, how do you feel?

Heather:

Angry, annoyed.

Corinne:

All right, angry. And then when you feel angry, what do you do or don’t do?

Heather:

Well. I’d probably do what I’m not sup- then I kind of rebel against what I know I should do anyway.

Corinne:

Like what? Give me an example.

Heather:

Well, I mean, I came and wrote down on my shit afterwards but I didn’t want to, but I wrote it down. I wrote down what [crosstalk 00:31:17]

Corinne:

This is important. Go back to the conversation. He says those things, you start feeling angry. He’s taken Corinne away from me, you feel angry. In that moment, what do you do next? Do you say loving things? Do you make fun of him?

Heather:

No. I have feelings.

Corinne:

All right, so you in that moment, this is what ends up happening. You start detaching from people. This is why people rebel. That’s like a rebel… That right there is the rebellion. So now the relationship is like, “Nope, you’re wrong. I’m going to detach, I’m going to rebel.” All because of this one thought. And that’s the part you’ve got to learn. You’ve got to learn how to identify where your brain is jumping the track to some kind of thought that’s not going to help you. Rather than in the moment biosis says, “I don’t eat those things.” It would be really easy instead of thinking, he’s taken Corinne away from me to think, I bet she teaches some of that magic in the challenge.

Heather:

I did. And that’s why I got on this daggum thing this morning. I thought I needed.

Corinne:

Exactly. But here’s what I want you to do. I want that to be the kind of thinking that you get trained on how to go to, so you don’t have to go through the dance of right now, which is first I got to get pissed, then I got to get angry, then I got to self-deprecate that my brain’s wrong, then I got a journal about it, then I got to get on a call, then I got to unwind it. And now I’m at the place where I’m like, “I bet she teaches this inside the challenge.” I just want to give you shortcuts.

Heather:

And so you think obviously after this conversation, this would be a good program for someone like me?

Corinne:

Yeah. Especially if you spent the morning with your friends talking about how fat you are, because nobody… That’s not ever helpful. Sitting around and having a kumbaya with your girlfriends about how out of shade fat, how we’re not doing things, blah, blah, blah. Basically having a circle jerk of misery is not helpful. We have to unwind that stuff. Yes, I do think my program’s helpful.

Heather:

All right. Well, I will sign up. Thank you for your help.

Corinne:

You’re welcome.

Heather:

Appreciate it.

Corinne:

All right, bye.

Sarah:

All right. And if you want to join that challenge, just go to nobs.club, make sure to take the free course and we will make sure you get an invite to join us. All right. We’re going to move on to our next question. Good morning, Lisa Marie, you want to unmute and say my question is.

Lisa Marie:

Good morning. My question is I have lost 125 pounds and that is woo-hoo celebration, but I’ve kind of plateaued and I need help. I keep going, but I need to know how I get over this plateau so that I can continue to lose weight.

Corinne:

Okay. If you had to take one guess, are you one of mine?

Lisa Marie:

Not yet. I’m new to you.

Corinne:

Okay. All right. Well, first of all congratulations on losing 100 pounds. Let’s do this. So did you… So if you’re new to me, you probably haven’t lost it the way that I teach it. So I don’t want to go into the tactical things of getting off a stall in a plateau. Inside my membership for all my girls that are listening, if this applies to you, we actually have lessons on this.

Corinne:

So if you don’t know where they’re at, just ask in the Facebook group, we’ll give you links to everything. So what I want to do though, is go through the mental process of busting a stall in a plateau, because that’s going to be really where the meat of the work is anyway. What are you telling yourself about this stall?

Lisa Marie:

That I need to go back to watching everything that I eat, writing it down, and then being home in this pandemic, I didn’t get to go to the gym. So I feel like I have to amp up my workout game and get back in the gym now that we can, but I think that’s what has contributed to the stall.

Corinne:

Okay. Well, one of the things that I do teach is that exercise has nothing to do with weight loss. You could not be at the gym and you could totally still lose weight. Weight is all about what you put in your mouth.

Lisa Marie:

Absolutely.

Corinne:

So let’s just forget the gym part. If you want to get back into the gym, please don’t use exercise as a way to lose weight, use it as a way to get strong, feel amazing about yourself, to get active, use it for 1000 reasons other than this is how I lose weight. Otherwise, what ends up happening is you bastardize the relationship with exercise and then when you don’t exercise, you have a lot of thoughts about being lazy. You start going into fear and panic that you’re not going to be able to lose weight and blah, blah, blah.

Corinne:

And when we feel fear and panic, then we end up eating to compensate, and you don’t have to be stuffing your face. But if you’re like me a little grab ass in here and there is enough to create a stall, it is enough to gain a little weight. A lot of times for a lot of us who have a lot of weight to lose this is about the minutia. It’s not necessarily… For me, if I gained some weight, I’m not going to be able to point to you a weekend binger where I was at McDonald’s all weekend. But over the course of three or four weeks, I could tell you several times when I have little extra dinner, when we went out to eat, and I decided to get an order of fries, when I just decided to have glass of wine.

Corinne:

I can show you all these little grab asses that I did. And that will be the deciding factor, but it’s usually, and in some people are at the opposite. So it just depends on where you’re at. So let’s just focus on the food side and what’s going on there. If you had to guess, when you said watching everything I eat, how does that make you feel?

Lisa Marie:

Restricted and that I’m not in control, and then I need to gain more control.

Corinne:

Okay. So all of that, how does that make you feel like a one word emotion? You said restricted and out of control?

Lisa Marie:

Yeah, I guess.

Corinne:

And panicky, maybe?

Lisa Marie:

Panicky. That’s a very good, yes, because I don’t want to fall back. And so it is a panic.

Corinne:

So this is what I want to highlight for you, Lisa Marie, this is why many of us get on stalls is that when we’re losing weight, at some point we allow our thinking to go from, I’m doing this, this is my new lifestyle, or I feel really good doing these things. This is who I am, I’m so proud of myself. We have, I want you to think to a time when you were just losing the weight, it wasn’t the things you were doing, it was all of these thoughts that you were having that allowed you to keep going.

Corinne:

And it was probably a lot of thoughts that encouraged you, that highlighted that you’re doing good. Then what happens is we’ll hit a stall on the scale and then suddenly our thoughts switch over to, I got to get serious, I need to start watching everything that I eat again. And we will describe the things that we were actually doing before in such a harsh way that we feel hesitant. We don’t look forward to it. There’s nothing compelling us to do it. And we’re so fearful that we end up taking no action, we get very paralyzed into what we’re just doing right now.

Corinne:

And so the real magic is being able to let go of some of the thinking that you have, like this whole idea of I’ve got to watch every bite, I need to watch everything that I do. You could be thinking, I’m going to make a plan for today that takes care of me. That’s a little bit better than yesterday. And I bet this helps me get back on track. If you were thinking that, how would you feel?

Lisa Marie:

Okay. Inspired and I can do this. I think that makes a lot of sense. I have to change my thinking around this and not go to panic.

Corinne:

Yes. That is the key. So when I was losing my 100 pounds, I got about 50 of it all. I hit the six weeks stall on the scale and the first four weeks I rolled with it, I was like, “It’s all right. We’re doing amazing things. I know the scale is going to do it’s thing.” I was really telling myself, “There’s no quitting. We just got to keep going, because I know that this will auto-correct at some point.” Two weeks later, my brain went to, this fucking sucks.

Corinne:

If this scale is not going to move, I might as well just be eaten. And the moment that thought came into my head, I was like, “Oh my God, no, that’s how I used to think. I used to sit around and think this isn’t working. And that’s how I would quit diets.” I would allow myself to think, “Oh my God, the scale’s not moving. I might as well eat.” And that’s how I would end up at going back to my old habits and losing control super fast.

Corinne:

I knew right in that moment that what was working for me wasn’t necessarily the things that I had done to lose 50 pounds, it was the way I talked to myself that got 50 pounds off. So if I would allow myself to keep thinking that way, I bet the next 50 will come off too. And while I’m talking to myself in the way that I know works, I can refine in small ways the things I’m doing until I get it to unlock. But if I was sitting around, terrified the scale’s going to never move, paralyzing myself with like, “Oh my gosh, I’m going to have to… Now I’m going to have to buckle down, now, it’s going to be the hard part, now is the point where it’s going to get ridiculous.”

Corinne:

If I did that, I knew that what I was doing was painting a picture of misery and making it to where it was impossible for me to take a step towards it. What we need to do is those next few steps, wherever we want to go, when we’re on a plateau on the other side, we’ve got to paint it as if the path there is doable, it’s not as bad as we think, it’s just some small things we need to tweak. And we need to think that way, otherwise we’re never going to want to get out of paralysis. So that would be my best advice for you, Lisa.

Lisa Marie:

Awesome. Thank you so much. And I’m going to be a BS woman because I know I can do this.

Corinne:

Awesome. But make sure you join our challenge, when it comes up. Have you taken the free course yet?

Lisa Marie:

I have not. I’m literally brand new, Blake and Edwards introduced me to you. And so I’m all in, it’s time to keep going.

Corinne:

Awesome. Well, I want you to-

Lisa Marie:

Thank you.

Corinne:

… I want you to go to nobsfreecourse.com today. Go ahead and sign up for the free course. That way you won’t miss the challenge and you won’t miss the opening, okay?

Lisa Marie:

Awesome. Thank you.

Corinne:

Thank you, Lisa.

Sarah:

Thank you for your question, Lisa. And I’ll go ahead and I’m going to send you a note here in Clubhouse with that link so you don’t miss it. We’re so grateful for your question today and congratulations on your weight loss so far. We’re going to move on next to Carol. Good morning. Would you like to unmute and ask us your question?

Carol:

Good morning. Well, I started listening to the podcast in January, joined in April, I’ve lost 25 pounds. I have to say I have never enjoyed food so much since I started this program. But what I’m thinking now is my weight loss has slowed to tenths of a pound per week. And I thought, well, maybe I should be leaving two bites behind. So my question was, why can’t I leave two bites behind?

Kathy:

So, Hey Carol, this is Kathy. I thought I would jump in here and work with you on this two bites behind. So when you are eating and you get down to that last couple of bites, what is your brain saying? What are you thinking?

Carol:

I’m thinking this tastes so good.

Kathy:

Yeah. What else might you be thinking?

Carol:

Well, of course my age, we grew up in the clean plate club and it’s a sin to waste food and two bites, why should I just throw two bites away? Also, I have 12 kids, so we didn’t encourage wasting a lot of food.

Kathy:

Okay. So this is super common that we get people in the membership. I think Corinne even talks about how she had trouble with throwing food away at first because she was talking about how she grew up poor and she had to make sure she got everything in because she didn’t know when the next meal was coming and things like that. I grew up in a family with the clean plate club but as you think about your life now and your weight loss now, I want you to answer me this question, what is the difference between throwing those two bites away and eating them when your body doesn’t need them?

Carol:

I don’t know. I keep asking myself that, why is this so difficult to just leave it? I don’t know. Well, I know we’re not supposed to say, I don’t know. Just because for so long I was just eating to be eating. I didn’t enjoy it, but to me now, everything I put in my mouth tastes really good, and I appreciate it, and I enjoy it.

Kathy:

So why is it okay to eat food your body doesn’t need when you know you’re satisfied and you’ve got a couple bites left? Why is it okay to eat those bites instead of throwing them away? Last question

Carol:

Okay. I’m not even sure that I’m satisfied because I never for eat to full, well, I shouldn’t say never, once in a while, I will. And I am so miserable that I don’t want to eat to full. So I make sure I stop before I get to there. But even with the two bites left, I don’t feel full, I feel like I could eat these, it’s okay.

Kathy:

Is that… Let me think about this for a minute. You feel like you could eat them, it’s okay. Then why are you learning to leave them behind?

Carol:

Because I’m thinking my weight losses is too slow.

Kathy:

Oh, your weight loss is too slow. So what if you did this? What if you instead of leaving them on your plate, what if you served up your plate, took two bites off and put them on a separate plate and then went to the table. And then when you were finished with your food, you just sat there for 10 minutes and thought, am I satisfied? What does my body feel like?

Carol:

I could try that. Yeah.

Kathy:

So if you were to guess, how would satisfied feel after eating a meal?

Carol:

The only way I know is because before I was cutting my meals in half, and then I would be hungry two hours later.

Kathy:

Okay. So you knew-

Carol:

So I knew that… Well, I thought I’m not eating [inaudible 00:46:07]. So I went back to and I eat way less than I used to. And then I try to, well, in fact, my salads, one day I made a salad and my granddaughter was here and she said, “Wow, that’s a lot grandma.” And I thought, oh, so I cut the salads in half.

Kathy:

And so when you cut the salads in half, did you stay satisfied until your next meal?

Carol:

Yeah. I did. Yeah.

Kathy:

Yeah. So that’s actually what it takes to find satisfied, is a little bit of trial and error. You almost… I told Corinne one time on her podcast, you almost have to eat past satisfied in order to find satisfied. And you just about have to eat under-satisfied in order to know that you need a little bit more. If you are questioning whether you need those last few bites, the chances are your brain and your body are telling you it’s time to cut back just a little bit.

Kathy:

So how you choose to do that and how you choose to accomplish that is up to you. Whether it’s serve yourself last, pull your bites off beforehand, leave them behind, any of those works. And if you do that for… Let’s just do some math for a minute. If you eat three meals a day and you do that every meal for a week, we’re talking six bites a day, times seven days is 42 bites you’ve left behind. That’s a lot eating, that’s a couple of meals.

Carol:

That’s a lot of food. Yeah.

Kathy:

Yeah. And doing that for a week, and then looking at your results on the scale will tell you if you’re going in the right direction.

Carol:

Okay.

Kathy:

Does that help?

Carol:

That does. Thank you. Okay.

Kathy:

Okay. Thank you.

Sarah:

Thank you Carol for your question and thank you so much Kathy for answering it. All right. We’re going to move on here to our last question with Beth. And then Corinne is going to be sharing three ways to make weight loss easier this week. All right. Beth, would you like to unmute and say my question is.

Beth:

My question is finding my why. I keep trying to find my compelling why, and I’m not sure if I’m just trying to attach more drama around this than it needs or what… At first, I started out with my why being for better health and then got blood work done, went through some testing and everything. And on paper I’m as healthy as a horse. So that kind of diminished the why for [crosstalk 00:48:45]

Corinne:

Let’s not say it diminished it, just say I solved it.

Beth:

Okay, perfect. Yeah, I solved it.

Corinne:

Doesn’t that feel a little bit better than I diminished my why.

Beth:

It does. And I listened to you and your podcasts all the time. And I have been changing my thinking and been changing so many things that I do. I used to be a regular attendee of the community candy bowl here at work, and I stopped one day and said, “Well, now why am I going and doing this?” And, oh, well, I’m avoiding doing this project. So now when I get that urge, it’s the candy bowl has lost all attraction for me. Now I get up, I go get some water, I go walk around the building, I come back and then… But I guess I just hear everybody else going, “Oh, I have this why and I can’t find,” I don’t know if it’s, I can’t find, or…

Corinne:

You’re not looking for it. All you’re doing is find… This is what happens for all of you. I want you to listen. She’s like, “I can’t find my why. I don’t have a why.” She’s not saying, “I wonder what my why is. I’m going to look through my life and see if there are reasons why.” When you tell your brain you can’t find it. Guess what it does all day long, ignore every reason why you would want to lose weight.

Corinne:

It’s not on the hunt for it. So our brain works under something called the reticular activating system. And what ends up happening is I want you to think about your brain. It’s like a radar, think about weather. And remember back in the day, when they would have the big line, would go around the city and stuff, it was always on the hunt for a storm and stuff.

Corinne:

Whatever you tell your brain, I can’t find my why, it’s going to all day long ignore anything that’s not a why, or that would be your why because it needs to… Your brain’s job is to prove what you allow it to say, and do, and think all day long true. It’s not there to coddle you, it’s not there to make the best of you, it’s not there to get your dreams, it’s not there to do any of that shit. It’s literally there to work on commands.

Corinne:

So if we keep commanding that we can’t find our why, we’ll never find one. So step one, literally Beth is just allow yourself to say, I’m looking for my why. That’s a very different mentality than I can’t find, when we think I can’t find my why, we feel defeated, we feel hopeless, we feel lost, we feel confused, bullshit feelings, making weight loss hard right there.

Corinne:

When we say, I’m figuring out my new why that feels compelling, that feels curious. It feels very different than a different energy state. And when we’re figuring out our why, we’ll go through life and we’ll notice things that are important. I’m going to… We have done a podcast on this but I want to say on, if you do the take control of food challenge coming up August 1st through the 7th on Wednesday, I’m actually taking you through the process.

Corinne:

Everybody’s going to find a why, everybody’s going to find multiple whys. And you’re going to understand how to use them at the right times. So a lot of us have this misconception that the why is supposed to be like, I’ve got this one thing and in every moment when things feel hard, it’s going to drive me to persevere, overcome and say no to bullshit. That is not how a fucking why works.

Corinne:

A Why is there for you to kind of chart your course, here’s my goal, here’s why I would like to get there so that any time I’m on my way to goal, if I’m acting like a jerk ass, my why is like, “Hey, I thought you really wanted to wear a size eight. Hey, I really thought you were wanting to be an example for your kids. When you’re sitting there eating out of the pantry at 10 o’clock at night.”

Corinne:

It’s there to remind you of what your goal is, but it is not there to make your decisions, it is not there making a decision to say no to Oreos at 10 o’clock, after a bad day, easy. It’s to remind you why you are going to make the hard choice, to not eat the Oreos, because you do want to be a model for your kids, you want to be able to show your kids that the best way to decompress, it’s fucking go to bed when you’re tired not to go to pantry.

Corinne:

So it’s there to help you make decisions that in the moment you may not want to make. It’s not to make those decisions easier. And that’s what we get… This is why why’s are so confusing to people is because if you’re expecting your why to make it easy and you’re expecting it to make things perfect, and you’re expecting it to just make it for you to sailing through your weight loss, then any time that it doesn’t work, then you don’t think, you know your why. You start thinking I don’t have one. It’s hard for me to find it, I must not be doing it right.

Corinne:

So the one thing we have to understand is we have to understand the purpose of a why, how many we actually need, what they’re going to do for us and what they’re not there to do for us. And so if you join me for the challenge on that Wednesday, we’ll do it. There’s also a podcast somewhere in all my podcasts. So if you’re not a member, I would suggest you go find that. Beth, are you a member of No BS?

Beth:

I’m not right now.

Corinne:

Okay. Well.

Beth:

But definitely would like to be.

Corinne:

All right. Well, I would take the challenge so that on Wednesday, I will walk you through how to do it. That should be like, I think that’s August the fourth. So if you’ll join the challenge when it opens, then you will for sure be able to at least get this part solved for you. For all my No BS women, there is a self study, Future Your Course inside the membership. And we find our why in that self study course, it’s a really quick one.

Corinne:

So it’s not like long or anything, I did it as a workshop at the beginning of the year, if any of you are wanting to like, “Ooh, I want to find my why Corinne, and I want to do these things.” Go to the Future You Workshop and just it’s in a weight loss resources in the self study. And it’s in there and you guys could do that. All right, Sarah, let me wrap up and let me tell you guys… Let me get my screen back up.

Corinne:

Here are the three ways that are going to make your weight loss easier everyone. The very first way is take the challenge that we’ve got coming up, that’s going to be number one. Is if you use the take control of food challenge, whether you join me in the membership or not, I promise you by the end of that week, weight loss will feel easier. I’m going to clean so much of your bullshit up around that the diet industry’s not taught you, it’s crazy.

Corinne:

So you will want to make sure that if you haven’t taken my free course at nobsfreecourse.com, you need to get signed up for that because people on the mailing list who’ve taken the free course are going to get invited first to the Take Control of Food Challenge. So you’re not going to want to miss that. The other thing would be if you’re listening to this podcast recording later, and you’re missing the challenge, if you just take the free course and listen to the podcast, that will help you make your weight loss easier.

Corinne:

I promise you I’m never going to steer you wrong on what to do. I’m always going to be addressing our bullshit thinking, when we get our thinking right, we quit eating so much bullshit. So that’s number one. Number two is I want you to think about what you’re telling yourself in the moment when you’re getting ready to do something. So many of us sit around and think about, I can’t find my why, I can’t stop it, two bites left, I can not clean my plate, I can’t get off this stall. We have so many things that we tell ourselves that start with the word I can’t.

Corinne:

And when you do that you put your of work. Literally y’all, you’re putting your brain to work on figuring out all the reasons why it’s so hard for you. We don’t need to put our focus there. So the best thing to do to make weight loss a little bit easier is to tell yourself, what can I do in this moment? One of the famous questions that we use inside of No BS like a boss is can I just?

Corinne:

So if you are on a weight loss stall, can I just do something a little bit different than I did yesterday? If you get on the scale and let’s say it goes up a pound and you’re used to doing fucking eating for the weekend because you’re pissed, the scale didn’t go down. Can I just take a breath and remind myself that fucking eating isn’t going to help me long-Term. So thinking about all the places where you use the word can’t, insert the word can, what can I do in this moment? Can I just is a huge antidote to making things a little bit easier because when we use the word can’t things feel hard.

Corinne:

The next thing that makes weight loss easier, and this is one of the most critical. Celebrate every fucking win you get, especially the small ones. As women, we are not conditioned to ever give ourselves credit, we are conditioned that we need to be a perfect mother. Plus, we need to be a boss. Plus, we need to do this. Nobody teaches us our self worth, our value. Nobody is telling us that we are allowed to succeed, that we are allowed to feel good about ourselves. We are always just piled high from media, from peers, from the world expectations.

Corinne:

If you want to make weight loss easier, every little thing that you do that helps you, never diminish it. Never say it’s not good enough, never tell yourself it doesn’t count, never tell yourself you’ve got it right this time you hope it lasts. You celebrate you, you step into owning. I’m doing this, this is me. If I did it this time, I bet I can do it again. I’m so proud of myself because for a lot of us, this is one of the things I preach hard inside the membership.

Corinne:

That’s going to be one of the most uncomfortable things you ever do, because you’ve never been told it’s okay to, I don’t mean be okay with yourself. You’ve never been given permission to tell yourself that you’re fucking amazing, that you can do way more than you ever believed you could. And that’s why it’s important that you listen to my podcast, and while you think about doing the challenge, while you think about being No BS woman, you need to be surrounded by that because you’ve got to counterbalance the world, telling you that you’re not enough. All right, that’s my stuff, Sarah, you can wrap us up and get us out of here and we will see you guys next week.

Sarah:

If y’all enjoyed this podcast, please leave Corinne a review on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, or Podcast Addicts. We would love to hear what you’ve taken away from today to apply to your weight loss transformation. And we will be back here on Clubhouse every Tuesday at 9:00 AM central. We would love for you to join us live. Just go to Corinne.club and we can help you sign up for a Clubhouse. There it’s been a great recording and we will see y’all next week. Thanks for coming.

Corinne:

Thank you so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to nobsfreecourse.com, and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You’ll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcast, help you lose your weight without all the bullshit diet. I’ll see you next week.