Corinne:
Hi, I’m Corinne. After a lifetime of obesity, being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class, and losing and gaining weight like it was my job, I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds. Each week, I’ll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice. You can use to overcome your battle with weight. I keep it simple. You’ll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. If you are ready to figure out weight loss, then let’s go.
Corinne:
Hello, everybody. Welcome back. Today, Kathy and I are here to talk about a dieter’s favorite topic, what if I fail?
Kathy:
I feel like this podcast is just for me, Corinne. I was reading these notes and I was thinking, “Oh, we’re talking about dieters, not about Kathy here.”
Corinne:
But this is honestly like, well, you go through, whenever we open the doors to No BS, which mark your calendars, save the date. In March, we’ll be open again. I believe we open on March the … I’ll tell you exact day y’all. We’re going to be running a challenge right before it. I know how excited everybody gets for my challenges. There’ll be information coming out. Please do not email us asking how to sign up because that won’t happen for a while.
Corinne:
But if you’re listening to this podcast and you’re like, “Well, how will I get notified? Make sure you take the free course over at nobswomen, or nobsfreecourse.com. Sorry, wrong website. nobsfreecourse.com. If you go there, then you will get notified of our free challenge week, where I do all kinds of videos and training. It is a ton of fun, a ton of help, a ton of good information to help you with your weight loss. But we’ll also be opening the doors to No BS for anyone who is not a member officially on March the 2nd, so you can save that date.
Corinne:
But when we have one of these openings, the number one question hands down that I get is, “Corrine, I’m not sure if I should start. I’m so afraid I’m going to fail. What should I do if I’m afraid of failing?” What I wanted to do today, it’s just do an entire podcast about the idea of what if I fail, and thinking about, how do we reframe this? Because if you go through your life only considering options of, if it doesn’t work, if you fail, if it bombs, then you are setting yourself up also for a very scared and miserable life on top of it. I want you to think for just a second. As I always say, unless you’re driving or walking on a greenway, please close your eyes. Don’t don’t close your eyes if you’re driving, but [crosstalk 00:03:03].
Kathy:
Or walking on a greenway, you’ll trip over a deer.
Corinne:
Right. Yeah. That definitely happens with me. I almost got run over by one the other day, like that [crosstalk 00:03:11] song.
Kathy:
Or a turkey.
Corinne:
Woo. Other day I literally was coming around the corner. I was Marco Poloing my best friend, and Marco Polo is just like a video app. I’m just walking and talking. I’m all serious about something. And a motherfucking deer comes bolting right out of the woods, coming straight at me. I like screamed and about dropped the phone. I literally, my heart was racing as if a car had been coming at me. Caught me off my guard, but that happens on my greenway.
Kathy:
Yeah.
Corinne:
I want you to think about this for a second. Ask yourself, what if I fail at weight loss? What does your brain say? If I had to guess, it only answers with, well, then you’ll never be happy. Well, like it’s not … It’ll say things like, well, everybody will think you’re a loser. That question never gives you useful answers. It just gives you answers that scare the shit out of you. The problem is, is that most of us go through life only asking that side of the equation. When we’re looking at changing our life and we … Like, “I want to lose weight so bad. I’ve been dreaming about it all my life, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”
Corinne:
Every time it’s time to pull the trigger, all we do is focus on how we might fuck it up. What if we fail? All the problems that it’s going to ensue after that. What most of us do is we either don’t start at all and we keep kicking the can down the road, living a life of seeing some kind of weight loss program, having a twinge of hope, then scaring the out of ourselves, then going right back to just wishing we could lose weight, wishing something was different, wishing we were different. It’s a life cycle that sucks.
Corinne:
I did it for so many years. Until when I started this last time, I knew that one of the problems that I had was a lot of my thinking was just negative. I would hear things, and because I was so determined, I had just decided, I am going to figure this out, and I don’t know what it’s going to look like, but I got to figure this out. Because I knew I couldn’t keep doing things the way I was. I would hear thoughts like, well, what if this doesn’t work? And I would tell myself, “You can’t think like that.” Spending time trying to figure out what you’re going to do just in case you fail is time you’re not spending figuring out what you can do for yourself today. The things that like, if it doesn’t go right, here’s what I will do.
Corinne:
There was no problem solving in it. It was just spending a lot of time feeling terrible. Most of us, when it comes to weight loss, we just put our mind to work on all of the failing. We obsess about well, what if it doesn’t work out? What if I overeat? What if I get tempted? What if I have loose skin? What if I don’t lose fast enough? This is the thing. What if in yourself to death never works? All it does is create a lot of drama for you. Now, if you’re sitting around thinking about like, well, what if I’m successful?
Corinne:
What if this works out in my favor? What if I change my life? What if I do this and everyone around me makes better choices in their health. If you want to what if that way, go for it. Because that is opening yourself up to possibility. But what we, most of us do, is we’re not what iffing to possibility, we’re what iffing to failure. We’re what iffing ourself into doing nothing.
Kathy:
Wouldn’t you say that, that whole mindset is very normal for us as human beings? Because we’re always trying to solve problems, we’re always looking for the tigers, we’re always looking for the danger.
Corinne:
Yeah.
Kathy:
When you say that what iffing to the negative, just trying to solve a problem that doesn’t exist yet is what we do as human beings, it’s natural.
Corinne:
Well, yeah. For everyone, your brain is wired to think about problems. Because back in the day, when we were all sitting around naked in a cave around a fire, we needed to know the problems of world outside of the front of the cave. Our lives depended on being able to, what if a tiger comes out from behind that bush? What if those berries are poisonous? We actually wanted to be asking ourselves those questions back then we just don’t live in that kind of world anymore. It’s very rare that we need to be sitting around thinking about danger.
Corinne:
Now, that is not to say, this is one of the things that I do encourage my No BS women, I want to draw the line between thinking ahead about some obstacles, but sitting around what iffing yourself just because you’re afraid you can’t do it.
Kathy:
Yes, big difference.
Corinne:
Yes. If you’re thinking about, well, what if I fail? What if I don’t look the way I want? What if they don’t serve food that I-
Kathy:
That I can eat.
Corinne:
Yeah, that I can eat or that I put on my plan? Or, what if they don’t notice I’ve lost weight? If we’re doing that kind of shit, that is just drama thinking. That’s putting your brain to work on a dead end street. Now, if you’re sitting and you’re thinking about going to a party, let’s do the whole like, what if they serve things I can’t eat? Because you’ve been … Maybe you’ve been cleaning up your act and you really enjoy the new foods that you’re eating and stuff, but you hadn’t been to many parties where they’re just going to serve sliders, tots with cheese. If you listened to the last episode, Patrick’s bag of nacho chips.
Kathy:
Cake pops.
Corinne:
Cake pops.
Kathy:
It’s all the cake pops.
Corinne:
All the things that Kathy’s four grand babies love. If you look at it and you’re thinking about this party, if you say, “What if I was going to make it easy for myself to eat in a way that I’ll feel good about afterward, what decisions would I make?” Feel free to what if yourself all day long in that direction. Because that is thinking about something that typically could get in your way and then strategizing on how you’re not going to let it get in your way. You’re going to strategize on the things that you can do for yourself. That is the problem with what if I fail, is because we’re not strategizing on how to be successful. We are focusing, obsessing, overthinking about how many ways can this not work for me.
Kathy:
Yep, that this will go wrong.
Corinne:
What are all the things that won’t work? Number one, it’s never going to get you any weight loss. It’s never going to get you any feelings of motivation. It’s never going to get you to think about yourself in a more useful way. It doesn’t give you any credit as if you couldn’t do things. It’s just self-defeating. One of the things I wanted to tell y’all was I remember this one time, this was me, when Kathy asked about like, is it normal to what if? Is it normal to do this? It really is. Even though you listen to this podcast, it ain’t going to matter, that what if think it’s going to come back.
Kathy:
And it’s okay that it’s there.
Corinne:
Yes.
Kathy:
You’re not broken because you’re what iffing yourself to death.
Corinne:
Exactly. Now, here’s what I want. Every time your brain goes, what if, I want you to hear my shrill ass voice going, “No.” I want you thinking, all right, this is exactly what Corrine talked out, and I’m going to give you three ways to handle what if thinking in a minute, but I want you to get to where you get really good at just noticing how often you do this. How often you think about what if you fail, how often you think about what if it doesn’t work, what if I can’t do it? All of that is the same flavor of what if I fail?
Corinne:
A long time ago, when Logan got diagnosed with autism, this was back in like 2005, I believe. I think it was 2005 when he got diagnosed. Well, wait a minute. How old’s the baby? Let’s see. He was born in 2002. Actually, it was 2007. Oh my gosh. I am so bad with the numbers. But anyway, he gets diagnosed, and in the very beginning of his diagnosis, I was the strong one. When I mean I’m the strong one, it was like, I just didn’t even allow myself to think anything about it.
Corinne:
I just immediately went into, okay, we got to get some help. We’re going to need an ABA therapist. I just went into took total action. It was probably because underneath I was terrified, but my husband was also terrified. For the first time in our history of being together, he was terrified on the outside. Chris just doesn’t show a ton of emotion. He almost always has it together and scared the shit out of me when he was upset, and sad, and crying, and worried, and things that I’d never seen him do. I just snapped into mama bear mode, like, all right, I’m going to hold it together for all of us, and this is what we’re doing.
Corinne:
Well, little bit after that, when Chris normalized to it, his brain had his normal what if freak out and did the things, he got back into normal Chris mode, which is just doing and believing and everything. Well, then that opened the door from my brain to finally flood with all of its worries and anxieties over Logan. I worried so much about how he would never have friends. He wouldn’t know how. He wouldn’t finish high school, which he just did, just to ler everybody know, he did, and I worried that he would have to live with us forever. Because I had an uncle who had autism who had to live with my grandmother and then my mother until he passed away.
Corinne:
I honestly just had a lot of fear and trauma around autism just because I’d seen it all my life. It was scary when it happened, and I think that’s normal. Well, I remember one day telling Chris like, what if he can’t make friends? What if he has to live with us for the rest of his life? What if he’s not able to finish school? I was just like going through this … I was crying, all the things, snorting everywhere, and just basically doing what we do in diet world, trying to figure out how many ways this is going to go bad.
Corinne:
I will just say, in those moments, it feels so necessary and it feels so useful. I would’ve told someone that I need to think about this. We have a diagnosis, I have this uncle, I could have argued for it just as much as a woman who comes into No BS says, “I need to worry about failing. You don’t understand, I’ve had weight loss surgery in the past. You don’t understand, I’ve lost weight before and I’ve gained it all back. You don’t understand, I’ve tried hundreds diets and they have failed.” It felt necessary and like an important part of the story.
Corinne:
Before we could do things or before we could try and do things with Logan, or before you can sign up for another program, it’s like, I’ve got to think about all this. Chris just looked at me, and I will never forget it, he said, “Why don’t we just assume he’s going to be fine and plan how to help him and educating, assuming none of that’s going to happen? That he’s going to be normal. He’ll find a job, probably get married, he’ll go to high school. Let’s just assume that it all work out. Now what are we going to do?”
Corinne:
It didn’t shut down all my what iffing. I’m not going to sit here and lie and think that I’ve never what if it over him, but I guarantee you, I have, since that day, I have always caught myself and I continue to catch myself when I do unnecessary worrying and unnecessary suffering over him. I call-
Kathy:
And even forgotten that story. That’s what’s so amazing. How many years ago did you say that was? 14 years ago?
Corinne:
2007.
Kathy:
Okay. So, it’s 14 years. And just [inaudible 00:16:30] and knowing Chris, if he wasn’t like standing on a chair, shouting to the rooftops, he was quiet.
Corinne:
He was not like [crosstalk 00:16:36].
Kathy:
No. He was very quiet. He was very calculated in what he was going to say, and it made a big enough impression on you to just open a door. That’s all it did was open a door so that you could figure out how to think differently.
Corinne:
Yeah. It also, every time I catch myself doing it, because sometimes like it starts and I don’t even notice I’m doing it until I’m really feeling bad. And then I’m like, oh my God, I’m feeling terrible. And next thing, and when I think about, why am I feeling so bad? It’s like, what am thinking about that it’s got me so anxious, so worried, so worked up right now? And I’m like, okay, it’s because I’m sitting there trying to … It’s like what you said earlier. I’m trying to solve problems that aren’t even problems yet. I don’t even know if there’ll ever be a problem. All that energy that … So many times when he was growing up, I worried so much about him not finishing high school. And he just finished high school. I was trying to solve a problem that we were never going to encounter.
Kathy:
It took a lot of energy and a lot of your own, I don’t know, self-concept to get through those times when you’re trying to solve these problems that didn’t exist yet.
Corinne:
Well, it’s like the same when our … A lot of our people, when you come to No BS, usually, you are of a certain age. I do have lots of 20-year-olds, like 20 to 30-year-olds. I don’t want anybody in that age range to think that No BS is just a bunch of us, 40 plus year old women sitting around. Normally, it’s like 40 to 75 these days. But most of us are either at a certain age that we’re losing weight that, that skin is not snapping back at all, or that we’ve got so much weight to lose that we’re going to have some bodies that look like they have weight to lose. But we sit around trying to solve the problem of loose skin before we even know what we’re dealing with.
Corinne:
Some of us imagine number one, that our bodies are going to look so much worse, like so bad, and that we don’t conceptualize all of the moments that we’ll be so proud of ourselves for losing the weight. I think about with me all the years that I worried about loose skin. I’m not going to say I haven’t had negative thinking about it, but oh my God, if I was to take the amount of thinking that I have about my loose skin and compare it to the amount of thinking I have about the clothes I get to wear, how I look in my jeans, what I look like. Just like today, I was just like, “Oh my God, I wish we could be filming today. I look good.”
Corinne:
Seriously, my hair’s right, my tops tight. It’s all the things. We don’t even think about that. We’re just trying to solve this micro problem. Most of us, it’s like you can’t imagine, especially if you come through No BS, we’re going to work so much on your outlook on yourself, how you talk about yourself, how to love your body, all these things. It’s almost impossible for you, even start to conceptualize that you won’t be beating yourself up like you do today when you lose weight, even if your body doesn’t look the way that you might have dreamed it would’ve in like at 15.
Corinne:
We sit there and we try to solve problems that aren’t even problems yet. And we’re trying to solve these problems with our broken mindset of today. I promise you if you’re listening to this video or this podcast, that when you come through No BS, you will not lose your weight and still be the same person at the end. You will have self respect. You will be talking to yourself in a way that you never dreamed you could at all points of the journey. The biggest compliment I get in No BS is when somebody posts about where they’re like 20 pounds in to 100 pound weight loss journey, or 40 pounds into a 200 pound weight loss journey.
Corinne:
For the first time ever, they decided to not only go on vacation with their family, but get in the pictures because they’ve heard me say a thousand times over, you get to decide how you want to think about those pictures. You can beat yourself up, or you can be really proud to be there, and you can look at the faces of those babies who are so excited to have their grandma in the picture with them. You can be so excited to look at the picture and be like, it doesn’t matter what my body looks like. It matters the moment that I capture it. What was going on in my family? What were we all thinking and feeling?
Corinne:
We just teach you how to be a different person. That’s why if you’re sitting around and thinking about failing and all this other stuff, it’s such a waste of time. We have to make sure that we don’t allow ourselves to only think about our lack and our failures. I want to give you some things so that you can be on the lookout for what if thinking and what to do with it. The first one is you got to notice when you are using that what if language. Are you using the what ifs to terrorize you? Are you using the what ifs for good? If you think, all right, I already know I think plenty about what if I fail, I know what will happen. I’m going to talk terribly to myself. Whatever it is that you think will happen. But you could also be thinking, what if I succeed?
Corinne:
I just beg you that if you are going to what if, that you give some breath and energy to what’s possible for you. That’s step two, which is you’ve got to give equal airtime. Number one, you got to notice when you are what iffing and you don’t beat yourself up for it. You just get damn proud that now you hear it, and that you don’t just spiral in it like you used to and then wonder why you feel so bad all the time. You wonder why, I don’t know why I’m never motivated. It’s like, I don’t know. Because all you do is sit around and think about, what if you fail?
Corinne:
We always wonder like, I just don’t understand why I’m not motivated. It’s like, because your asking is not having motivational thoughts, number one. The next thing is give airtime to what’s possible. I always tell people, it’s like, if you got time to sit around and think like an asshole to yourself, then you have time to sit around and think about what’s possible for yourself. You can be an ass, but you can also be your own hero at the same time.
Corinne:
Your asshole self-talk will never go away unless you are actively on purpose thinking like a hero at times. As long as you end with what is possible for me, what could I do? What would life be like if I succeeded? What if I do lose weight? Who in my life would be better all for it? Who in my life will have changed simply because I’m changing? Those are questions to ask of yourself. If you’re one of my No BS women, make sure your calendar is marked for January 2nd for the Building the You of 2022, full day workshop. It’s included in your membership.
Corinne:
This, the whole idea of thinking about what’s possible for you, the whole idea of letting your guard down on your failures, or letting your guard down on being afraid, we’re going to do that all day long so that you give yourself equal airtime to what you truly want in life, your goals, how to tap into why it’s so important, not even just how to tap into why it’s important then, but how to tap into why it’s important daily, and a whole lot more.
Corinne:
Then the third thing that I think is really important that everyone can do, you can make a list of what life would look like if you lived as if you are capable of weight loss. Then you can make a list of what life would look like if you lived it as if you were stronger than you currently believe you are. Then you can make a list, and I mean make a list of all these things, not just like, “Oh yeah, that’s a good idea,” and then never do anything with it. Make a list of what life would be like if you started doing things anyway even if you were afraid, if you were allowing yourself to just be like, “I’m afraid, but I’m willing to be courageous too.”
Corinne:
What would you be doing? What would you be doing if you … Let’s say that I was able to look into my little Corrine’s crystal ball, I’m like, oh my gosh, this is the person who loses weight. I see her future. If I said, “Hey, Jane, that’s you. I’ve got it right here.” What would you do next? What would you stop doing in your life?
Kathy:
Because seriously you do things when you’re afraid all the time. I mean, I think that’s … It’s an important point to make here. We’re afraid we won’t lose weight so we don’t do anything. But what do you do when you are afraid? I thought about a rollercoaster when you were talking about that. A lot of people are scared of the huge down, me for one, but I’m going to get on a rollercoaster because I love riding rides. It doesn’t mean I’m not a little scared of it. Sometimes-
Corinne:
Well, that’s just like, I got married that way. I will just tell you, I was afraid. One of the big things, I had already been divorced by the time I married Chris. I had broke off an engagement because that didn’t work either. I’d been cheated on four times by the time … I don’t know what it was, but my douche bag radar was completely on and working perfectly through my 20s. Literally, by the time I met Chris, I’d been in four relationships and they all ended because I was cheated on. I was afraid to marry Chris because I was like, I got stuck in thinking, what if he cheats on me too? But I loved him so much, and I just decided like, well, I guess we’ll see, but I love him enough to marry him.
Kathy:
Exactly. It’s just letting that other voice come in and have a conversation with the I’m afraid. I’m scared to death here. If you’d stop there, you and Chris wouldn’t be married.
Corinne:
No.
Kathy:
But you said, “Okay, yeah. I’m but what else am I? What if this works out?
Corinne:
Yeah. Well-
Kathy:
What if he doesn’t cheat on me?
Corinne:
Yeah. And are you willing?
Kathy:
Yeah.
Corinne:
There’s just so many different things that we can be thinking, but we do, do things all the time. Spend some time, all of you, in the next week, and think about how many things you do probably in a day where you’re just like a little bit afraid, but you’re like, “All right, we got to do it anyway.”
Kathy:
Or you don’t know if you can get it done. You start them anyway.
Corinne:
Well, it’s just like our kids. If our kids come to us and they’re just like, well, I really want to try out for the basketball team, but I’m afraid I won’t make it.” What do you do? Look at them and be like, “Well, you know what we should do? Let’s not try out. And then I know you’re only 10, but let’s crack open a bottle of wine because I know you’re afraid.” That is what most of us do. It’s like, “Well, don’t go try out for cheerleading. Here’s a box of donut.”
Kathy:
Because you might not-
Corinne:
We should just sit around and eat because we’re afraid and because we’re disappointed that we’re not going to follow through. We’re just going to keep wishing for it. None of us would do that with our children, and yet, we do it all the time in our adult life.
Kathy:
When they handed Logan to you in the hospital, after you’d had him, did you know exactly how all that was going to turn out?
Corinne:
No shit. No. [crosstalk 00:29:49] when they handed me Logan-
Kathy:
Right. I tell you, nobody gives their baby back. They figure it out. Even though they’re scared to death, they’re not going to change a diaper right.
Corinne:
I was scared to death. You know how most women will talk about how when they first hand the baby to you, you just have this magical moment and all this other stuff? They handed me Logan, number one, I just thought, I am fucking tired. I’ve been in labor for like 24 hours. Then the second thing I thought is like, I don’t know what to do with this. I didn’t know anything. Chris and had, when it came to Logan, we took classes and read every book about pregnancy and labor. We dead stopped on anything that would happen once his head came out of my vagina. It was like I’m amazed that we had anything at our house for him.
Corinne:
Because I was like, we’ve laughed about it for years, but I didn’t let fear stop me from taking him home. It was day after day of being scared out of my ass that I was breaking him, that I wasn’t doing it good, that something was wrong, all this kind of stuff. And just kept figuring out, kept figuring it out. Just because you’re afraid and just because you what if, it’s not a dead stop. But what can help you though is to, rather than just … We all have the power to do things when we’re afraid, for sure. But what I want y’all to do is to imagine the worst thing that happens if you don’t … Let’s say you try one more time to lose weight, it’s literally the worst things that happen if it you do fail. You’re right back where you started, which like, all right. Well, you’re no worse off.
Corinne:
I mean, basically, like we get so worried we’re going to fail. It’s like, yeah, if you go all in and you try and you do these things and you don’t lose any weight, wouldn’t you have rather tried and learned than to just sit back and wonder for the rest of your life? That’s number one. But the other thing that really stops all of us is that, if we fail, we talk terribly to ourselves. It is not that a program doesn’t work for you. It’s what you say to yourself about it, about the kind of person you are, you’re lazy, you’re not good enough. Something’s wrong with you. No one will ever love you. Those are the things we’re most afraid of.
Corinne:
What most of us do is in order to not have that conversation, we just don’t even go after our dreams. We don’t give ourselves an opportunity to succeed because we’re so worried about that conversation. Some of the things I tell people, the reason why we teach so much in No BS is that, like how to talk to yourself, is because in order to lose weight, there is so much failure that has to happen. In order to figure out what enough is, going to probably overeat quite a few times before you really dial it in. If you don’t talk like an asshole to yourself, it’s not a big deal. It’s a part of the process. But if you don’t learn how to not talk like an asshole to yourself, the first time you make a mistake, you beat yourself up and you quit. That’s what most diets allow you to do.
Corinne:
They don’t teach you how to have self-respect. They don’t teach you how to have compassion, grace, understanding, awareness, learning. They don’t teach those things. That’s why, in weight loss, it’s not just about what you eat and how much. It’s about the relationship you have with yourself and your mindset as you’re making food choices, as you are eating and deciding if you’re hungry and if you’ve had enough. Those things have to get corrected. What if is a big thing? What if I fail?
Corinne:
You’ll never succeed if you don’t go after it. I would much rather, when you think, what if I fail? I’d rather you tell yourself, well, there’s no success in not trying. I have got to give myself a shot. Think about what if it goes okay? What if it goes a little longer than I thought, but I do get there. What if it happens faster than what I currently believe? What if it was easier than the last time? Those are questions to think about, to allow yourself to understand there’s more to this than just what you currently think.
Corinne:
What all of us currently thinks is our biggest limiting factor and anything we want to do in life. If you want to do something to where you go after your goals, you go after your dreams, I don’t care if you’re losing weight, building a business, having kids, whatever it is, the best way to get there is to expand how you currently think with some new perspectives. That’s what we were teaching you in this whole podcast is lots and lots of ways for you to ask yourself questions that open you up to some new perspectives for your weight loss, anything you want to add?
Kathy:
It’s funny that we’re podcasting on this today. Back in the day, when I first started working for you and I was part-time and I was trying to figure out how to coach and how to podcast and how to open my mouth, I bought a bracelet that says, What If You Fly? And I’m wearing it today, which is so funny to me because that’s … Sometimes having just a little, a post-it note or a bracelet, or something, a totem, I guess, is what you call them. Something-
Corinne:
I was going to say, we keep talking about how we complete each other’s sentences, I was going to say, Kathy, I believe they call them the totem.
Kathy:
Right. But just having that ready for you to look at sometimes can pull you out of what if I fail. If you have a little totem that’s just right there hanging from your computer monitor or on the kitchen cabinet or something, it can help you turn that switch just a little bit and help you think, okay, I’m a little afraid here. I’m afraid I’m not going to meet this goal. I’m afraid I’m not going to get this work done. I’m afraid I’m not going to lose my weight. But what if I do? What can I do anyway even though I’m afraid? How can I find just a little bit of success today that will help me move into tomorrow looking for a little bit more?
Corinne:
Yeah. I have three totems that I use differently and they’re all tattooed on my wrists because they’re just right there. But I’ve got Queen C., which people always give me a hard time on social media, about calling myself the queen. I would like everybody to know, that is not a nickname that I picked.
Kathy:
No.
Corinne:
That was given to me by one of our OG members, Ms. [Lori C 00:36:56]. She called me Queeny back in the day, and it just stuck. Everybody has always called me that, but I have Queen C. on my wrist because when I do big events and I do public speaking, just like everybody else, I’m like, well, what if I don’t say it right? What if I can’t impact people today? My brain loves, it likes to do it about two minutes before I go on stage.
Corinne:
I break out into a nice cold sweat, get my armpits good and saucy, I almost always start crying before. I’m really choking back tears, because for me, when I get emotional, when I feel overwhelmed or anxious and stuff, I tend to cry. I’ve always [crosstalk 00:37:40] way.
Kathy:
Me too.
Corinne:
I rub that. I think about like … I’ll just rub it and think, you’re always nervous right now, the first minute on stage, you probably will cry and you’ll talk faster than you normally do. Then, without a minute later, you’ll be into your groove, and I just rub it. It grounds me. Then I’ve got our old … We’re now the No BS Weight Loss. But if you listen to the podcast back in the day, it was PMP, PMP Tribe. I have the old logo on me to always just like, whenever I want to be an asshole to myself or think that I’m not good enough to lead women, or I get shade on the internet about how like I don’t look the part. There’s a lot of, in the dot industry, you’re basically supposed to be twig thin and ripped in order to give weight loss advice for some reason.
Corinne:
I’m just like, well, that’s. Whenever I start falling into the thought that I don’t look good enough and stuff, I rub that and just remind myself, I’m supposed to like redefine the industry. I’m not supposed to fall into the trappings of what they say. That’s one of the things that I teach. Then the other one is, the very first tattoo I ever got, I got strength tattooed on my wrist because I love lifting weights. I was talking to Chris one day and I realized that strength is the word that carried me through so much of my life, like between Logan’s autism, lifting weights. I needed strength to lose my weight. I needed strength to leave three different guys.
Corinne:
I left a guy that I had dated all through high school. Sweet guy, I will say, y’all. He was a sweet guy. I don’t want to throw him under the bus. But he was very, but he had cheated on me, and I was an overweight girl in high school, starting her senior year, and had only dated one boy for three years. And it was like starting a freshman year all over again. I just always think about how much courage that took and how much strength and mindset. Then I left the first husband that I married after high school, which was … I will not say he was sweet. He’s a douche bag. If he’s listening, you know who you are, douche bag. I won’t say his name though
Corinne:
But it took a lot of strength for me to leave him. Then I had a marriage that, or I was engaged guy that he actually ended up being a nice guy too, but he cheated on me too. I remember being so scared to call off that wedding. It was on my birthday when I did it, but my mother had … My mom never had money. She had already bought my wedding dress. I was going to get married downtown at the Union Station Hotel. Deposits had been made, like this was a costly decision, and you know me and money, Kathy, like we never had any. So, I’m all sometimes worried about money.
Corinne:
I remember telling my mother, and she was like, “Fuck all that money.” She’s like, “Don’t you marry somebody that’s cheated on you.” She’s like, “You move in with me today.” I just think about how-
Kathy:
You know what I love about these stories is how you could have totally gone down, and even thinking about them now, down the, see, I wasn’t good enough, or down the shit show route, yet, you’re talking about how strong you were through these periods of adversity in your life and how you came out of them and how you survived them and how you got better because of them. So many other people would look back at this and say, “See, nobody ever loved me. See, I couldn’t do it.”
Corinne:
Well, I think that’s important, especially when we talk about what if I fail. I will be honest, at the time in all of these relationships, I did not think I should get strength tattooed on my wrist. That was not my mindset, but I had to go back and do a lot of work on, what did I want to make all these things in my life mean? Because as someone who’s battled depression and all this other stuff, I had like, and I just think this is imperative for all of you to do, is go back to some of your most painful stories, the ones where you keep insisting, these are the things that hold me back. These are the things that keep me from doing and stuff.
Corinne:
You need to go back and look at it and figure out, how are you the hero of that story? What did you do, right? Well, how is this impacting you in a good way today if you weren’t thinking so shitty about it? What did you learn from that? I just really believe that most of us can go back and we can look at things and we can tell it in a way that doesn’t cause us pain today, but allows us to move forward in our life, allows us to give ourself credit, allows us to give ourselves compassion, understanding, insights, all kinds of things.
Corinne:
If you’re a No BS woman, there’s a couple of places where we’ve done this work that you can go and access if you’re interested in it, because rewriting your past is not something to just take lightly, because a lot of us have had traumatic pasts. I’m not talking about big T trauma. You need a therapist and work through all that. But even people that have done big T trauma very often can rewrite the past to where their present day self doesn’t allow it to drag them backward every single day, paralyze them and stuff.
Corinne:
But most of us are sitting around with not so traumatic things, like being cheated on three times, not fun, not exciting, not something that I’m … I would never say I’m so glad that happened, but I can find the value in myself because of it. I couldn’t do that at the time, and for years, I thought that I was just broken, that I couldn’t find a good man, all kinds of stuff. I really had to work on that mindset. But if you’re No BS woman, you can go to, I believe it’s underneath the worksheets section in the website, where we have the self-paced resources and stuff. We have a rewriting the past worksheet with a video where I took members through that.
Corinne:
We also, if you went to our October camp of transformation weekend, Become the Hero of Your Story, day one was about rewriting the past and doing that. Then I believe we did it another time. It might have been last January’s camp. If you went to that one, you also can access those resources, but we’ve done several places inside the membership where rewriting the past-
Kathy:
It’s the self-love course too.
Corinne:
It’s probably in the self … That’s probably the course it’s in. If you go to self-paced resources, every member has access to the self-love course. We believe it’s there, but I know for sure there’s a worksheet on it also. You can go and you can access these materials. At the end of the day, if you want to just type in the search bar and video replace, rewriting your past, it will pull up like resources and different things for you. I just think it’s valuable for all of you, even if you … I think if you’re a podcast listener, I think Kathy and I have done a podcast on rewriting your past.
Kathy:
Yeah. If you work that worksheet and something is confusing, just get in … We have that place on the website that’s Ask Coaches. We have people who hire our coaches for three months to help them work through how they think about their past. There’s lots and lots of options to do that, and Corrine is an amazing example about how she rewrote the story of those messed up relationships so that she wasn’t the one who failed the relationship because she wasn’t good enough to hold their attention or whatever the thoughts were. She looks back at them now with, thank goodness I had my own back and I was strong enough to leave that relationship because they ultimately led you to Chris.
Corinne:
Yeah. Y’all can either, like we do have some coaches that you can hire one on one, but we also just have as coaches where, included in your membership, and you can use it every day if you want to. We don’t care how often you … In fact, we would love for you to use it every single day, but you can go in there if you start working on it, you type in like, this is the story that I have and this is where I’m at with it. They’re trained on how to do this. They’re there to guide you. They can help you ask more questions, get your mindset shifted, your perceptions.
Corinne:
They can point things out that you might not be seeing. So, we have all kinds of resources for you. If you’re a podcast listener, just go through the podcasts and look for one on rewriting your past. Think about some of the things that I asked in this podcast today. Go by, download this one, listen to it a few times, write the questions down, and do the work yourself. There’s no reason why any of you can’t do this stuff on your own. All right, y’all. You have an amazing week and we will talk to you soon.
Corinne:
Thank so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to nobsfreecourse.com and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You’ll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcast, help you lose your weight without all the bullshit diet advice. I’ll see you next.
