Corinne Crabtree:
Hi, I’m Corinne. After a lifetime of obesity, being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class, and losing and gaining weight like it was my job, I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds. Each week, I’ll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice, you can use to overcome your battle with weight. I keep it simple. You’ll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that, and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. If you are ready to figure out weight loss, then let’s go.
Corinne Crabtree:
Hello, everybody. Welcome back. So, today I want to go over quitting. When should we quit? When should we not quit? I just feel like you can never talk enough about quitting, because in weight loss, if anybody ever asked me a question, they’ll always say, “What if you’re afraid of quitting?” That’s the number one question that I get every time the No BS Weight Loss Program opens up is, “What if you’re afraid you will quit?” So, I just want to dive into quitting today and when it makes sense and when it doesn’t.
Corinne Crabtree:
So, the first thing I want to do is, I just want to talk about when should you be quitting? So, I don’t think quitting is bad. A lot of us have an association that quitting your diet is a bad thing. I quit a lot of diets before the last one, where I lost my weight. I quit some very unhealthy ones. I quit some that were given me very disordered eating patterns. I did diets that had you eating very little. I had diets that had me not feeling good.
Corinne Crabtree:
I remember my mom quit a diet once, forget what the name of it was, but she would get these little meals, they were very tiny meals and then she’d have a shake, and she had to take these pills. And she lost an incredible amount of weight really fast, but along for the ride came her hair.
Kathy:
Oh my goodness.
Corinne Crabtree:
Oh, she lost like half of her hair.
Kathy:
Oh, wow.
Corinne Crabtree:
I don’t think my mom’s hair ever really recovered either, from it. My mom had a big-ass head of hair when I was growing up. And then after that diet, it stayed thin for the rest of her life. So, the reason why I say this, is a lot of you have shame around diets that you quit, but if you were to go back and I want you to honestly take a look, was that actually the best thing you could have done for yourself? Because a lot of us did some unhealthy shit or we did stuff that basically … I remember taking, going to the GNC back in the day, basically fen-phen pills. Like, speed.
Kathy:
Yeah. That’s what I was thinking about, was the fen-phen.
Corinne Crabtree:
Before they outlawed them because they were killing people.
Kathy:
Right.
Corinne Crabtree:
You could just buy them at the GNC. Well, I took them for a while and eventually I quit, because I did feel cracked out most of the time. And eventually what would happen is, I was losing weight, but I wasn’t losing my emotional weight. So, I’d be taking these pills and eventually I got to where I was still overeating while also taking these pills. And so of course, they quit working when you continue to eat like a asshole on top of them.
Corinne Crabtree:
So, sometimes the best thing that we can do is to evaluate what we’re doing and just say, “Why is this not working for me?” If you like your reasons, like, “I’m losing my hair.” “This particular diet doesn’t let me go out to eat with any … It’s been six months since I’ve seen my friends.” Whatever it is, that’s fine. I think we just have such a bad attitude about quitting.
Corinne Crabtree:
There are just times in life, we need to stop doing things and we need to examine those things. But this is what most of us are doing, is we’re quitting with a knee jerk reaction. Like people who will quit No BS, they’ll send us reasons why. It’s like, “Well, because I’ll never get my shit together.” That is a terrible reason to quit. That’s self-loathing. The person who feels like they could never get their shit together, that’s every reason to keep going.
Corinne Crabtree:
Do you want to be the kind of person for the rest of their life gives up just because it’s hard, and not hard physically, hard emotionally, because you’re for the first time having to listen to how you talk to yourself. A lot of times, what we want to do is we want to quit the moment that we start learning we’re not nice to ourselves. So, I’ll quit this diet, so I can go back to eating, so I don’t have to hear how terrible I am to myself all the time. So, I’ll just be terrible to myself with food instead of listening to that voice and changing it.
Corinne Crabtree:
So, I think the first thing is, we have to understand that very often we’re quitting the moment we run up on something that’s hard. Especially for my No BS women, when you are listening to me, all of you who are members, this is my plea to you is, my program is designed to put you on the path to what has always gotten in your way in your past diets. Your meal plan didn’t work because it wasn’t a good meal plan. Most meal plans don’t work because the moment you need to follow it to get your weight loss, no one’s told you how to be alone with yourself at night, without Cheetos and Oreos.
Corinne Crabtree:
For a lot of our women, especially our single women, eight o’clock at night’s hard for them. They’re sitting around and if they’re not eating, they’re thinking, “Nobody loves me. I ain’t been on a date in a while. When you look like this, no one will have you.” If we don’t teach you how to be there for yourself in those moments, how to have compassion, how to change the way that you view your life, of course, you’re going to want Cheetos and Oreos. That’s way better than listening to that garbage over and over again.
Corinne Crabtree:
But what diets do, especially meal plans and calorie counting apps, is they take away the food during that time, but do not equip you to be there by yourself. It’s like our moms, a lot of them have a really hard time at night, too. The second them babies go down, they’re sitting there thinking about everything that they just don’t have time to do. Their life is out of balance. “I can’t be everything to everybody. People are suffering because I can’t just say yes to everything.” But they’re trying to, and they’re working themselves to the bone. They’re doing the day job and then they’re doing the second job at night, getting the kids clean, getting them fed, trying to get the house done. And they’re wore out emotionally every day, because when that time comes to be alone with themselves, when all the noise has died down, they’re left thinking, “I hate this life.” Now some of you may not hate the life, but you’re sitting there thinking, “I just wish I had a few minutes to myself.”
Kathy:
That was me.
Corinne Crabtree:
Yeah.
Kathy:
I’m so tired. I’m worried about my kid because this happened. Worry takes energy, I’m tired. I’m not a good enough mom because this happened or because I didn’t see this coming. Yeah, it’s the beat down at night.
Corinne Crabtree:
Well, and this is so interesting because what I see happens is in that quiet, you’re so exhausted from the day because you have run the marathon of the day and then your brain turns on, on all the things you should be doing.
Kathy:
Yeah.
Corinne Crabtree:
Because what we do during the day in order to buffer against all those thoughts, is we busy. We work, we work, we work. We just keep doing on this hamster wheel. And then when we have to stop at the end of the day, we are left with our opinions about our life. And if your opinion is, you should be doing more, but you’re physically exhausted, you will eat, because you don’t have the energy to go do more, to continue to shut those voices down.
Corinne Crabtree:
I think the answer is we have to quit trying to diet in old ways, we have to start losing weight in a way that a weight loss program that gives you the tools to be there when the food is no longer going to be there to shield you against all the stress of life, all the things that you’re thinking about yourself, all of the ways that you don’t know how to appreciate yourself yet.
Corinne Crabtree:
So, I wrote down, there are four things we have to quit doing. I’m going to give you all a bonus one, this will be number five and then I’ll go back in order of one through four. The fifth-
Kathy:
Taking me out of order, Corinne, I don’t know.
Corinne Crabtree:
Sorry. I know every perfectionist and OCD person in here is just like, “Oh God, I got to turn this off right now.” I don’t care. But the fifth one is we have to quit thinking that we’ve got to do everything. Y’all, you ain’t got to do everything. You got to do the best things and you got to do some stuff less and learn how to be okay with it. I think if I could just get women to take more breaks with true feelings of worthiness, like, “I deserve to take this break.” Most of the weight problems would get solved for women. I’d never have to change anything you eat. Probably wouldn’t have to teach you my basics anymore.
Corinne Crabtree:
If I was sitting there and I was calculating why so many women eat, they’re eating because they’re putting so much pressure on themselves all the time and they have no other way to release it. And then when they need to take a break, they don’t know how to say they deserve it. Just like yesterday is a good example. I mean, here I am, preaching all this to the choir, but I didn’t feel good yesterday. I mean, did not feel good. And we were supposed to podcast yesterday. So, I got off that morning thinking, “Well, you need to get your chapters done.” Writing this book, I had to get some chapters done. So, I do that. Not feeling great.
Corinne Crabtree:
Then I knew we were filming yesterday for our maintenance course, the second module of maintenance is coming out, I had to get it done yesterday. So, I’m pushing myself through. I literally had worked seven hours before I was telling Kathy, “I don’t think I can podcast.” And when I went to go lay down, because I felt like shit, I sat there and felt guilty the whole time.
Corinne Crabtree:
If I wasn’t aware that I tend to tell myself, “You’re being lazy.” If I wasn’t aware that I tend to think that more work is like some kind of badge of honor, then I probably would have ate. I used to either be working or eating. That is how I grew up. And so yesterday, I just laid there and felt guilty for a while. I just told myself, I was like, “Well, we’re taking a break no matter what. We’ve already canceled podcasting. This is what we’re doing.” And I just let myself feel guilty and I just listened to every thought that I had.
Corinne Crabtree:
And eventually I was like, “Well, we’re going to take a guilty-ass nap.” Because I knew in that moment, it was like, if you listen to our last episode, we were talked about the duality of emotion, I had two things going. I had my old story that taking a break is lazy, and I sat there and thought about everybody on my team who was working, my husband was working, even my son was working, everybody was working but me.
Corinne Crabtree:
And then on my other side though, I felt tired and I just knew, I felt wise that if I didn’t take a nap, not only was I going to produce some terrible work, but that I’d get behind today. I can just feel it in my body when I’m starting to get to that point to where it’s like, something’s going to make you slow down if you don’t do it yourself. And for a lot of us, we use food to compensate against the guilt. I would rather all of you quit eating and just start feeling guilty until you can convince yourself that you’re deserving to take a break. That would be my fifth one.
Kathy:
Yeah. This is such an important point. And if we just zoom out for just a minute, not only will you reduce the amount of eating you’re doing in response to feeling guilty or feeling bad or whatever, your quality of life is going to improve.
Kathy:
So, take Corinne for example, she may not eat anymore in response to being tired or being guilty, but she’s giving herself permission and compassion to take a nap, right? Which ultimately improves her quality of life. And I just think that’s a point that’s so important. It will help you lose weight and it will eliminate overeating, but it will also help you learn how to live your life in a more productive, healthy, happy, joyful way.
Corinne Crabtree:
I will tell you one thing too, that when I take breaks, I don’t know if anybody else out there suffers with this, but if I am pushing myself all the time and I feel bad about taking a break, that also means when I see someone else taking a break, I feel judgey on them, because I’m judging myself for taking a break.
Corinne Crabtree:
This is why I should take naps, Chris never has a problem with, if he needs a break and his brain is just not into it, he will come into the bedroom and he will lay down for an hour because he’s like, “I know I come back stronger.” His thought is, “I come back stronger.” My thought is, “You’re a lazy fuck.”
Kathy:
“You just wasted an hour of your life.”
Corinne Crabtree:
Yes. I’m like Eeyore and Chris is just like, “I’m over here recharging myself.” So, I have in the past, pushed through, and then he’ll come in and want to take his break and then, I am sitting there looking at him like with fucking daggers. And I am just like, “Must be nice. Some of us have deadlines.” And I’ll be a snarky fucking bitch, because I’m at my bandwidth.
Corinne Crabtree:
So, it does improve your quality of life because some of us need to take more breaks so we can quit snapping the head off of everybody else around us. I always feel like when I am pushing and redlining, I now start scanning my environment for everyone who is lazy. Now, they may not be lazy-
Kathy:
Oh my goodness.
Corinne Crabtree:
… but in my mind, I am looking for every opportunity to be like, “See, I don’t get breaks. See, I have to work harder. See.” And then, I am just angry.
Kathy:
Yeah.
Corinne Crabtree:
And so, all of it adds up. So, that was number five, but let’s now go in order, so that Kathy can be happy.
Kathy:
Thank you. Thank you.
Corinne Crabtree:
All right.
Kathy:
Back to order.
Corinne Crabtree:
Four things you’ve got to quit doing if you want to lose weight. Number one is the scale having power over you. When I think about weight loss, one of the first things that we have to do, is we have to stop giving the scale so much credit. And this is huge and I know people are like, “Yeah, but how would I know I’m going to lose weight?” Yeah. We’re so conditioned by fucking Weight Watchers. They were the original OGs on making the scale the end all, be all.
Corinne Crabtree:
The scale is that lagging indicator, which means if you’re ever going to put a lot of emphasis and power over something, track habits. How often are you stopping at enough? Every single day. How often are you waiting for hunger? How often are you planning your food? I want you thinking about your habit. So, inside of No BS, we teach you as do goals. It’s like, we’re going to set a weight goal, like right now we’re in the middle of a big-ass birthday challenge where everybody’s donating pounds as my birthday gift and all kind of stuff. And they’re excited and all this other stuff. And I let them set a goal.
Corinne Crabtree:
When I kicked off this thing, I was like, “You can set a goal, but now I need to set goals around your habits.” How many times this month are you going to complete a 24-hour plan? What is your goal for assessments? Meet the goals that add up to weight loss. Use the scale to know if you have the right goals around your habits. You may need fine-tuning in your behaviors and stuff. The scale isn’t doing jack shit to you.
Corinne Crabtree:
So, one of the things we have to do is, we have to quit giving the scale power, because when we think, “Oh, I’m up a pound, that must mean I’m a loser. That must mean I’m a slow loser. That must mean that I’m never going to lose weight.” The moment you start dipping your toe into that water, instead of like, “All right, the scale was up a pound. Let me look at my habits the last seven days. Does anything look out of line?” There may be a habit out of line. I want you to focus on that, not on you being a fucker who loses weight slow. That’s just going to feel debilitating. You’re not going to address the habit. You’re just going to self-loathe and feel bad and be like, “I should just eat a Snicker. That’ll make it all better.” Not one time has a Snicker bar been the answer to the scale being up, ever.
Kathy:
Wow, good quote. “Not one time has a Snicker bar…” Say it again.
Corinne Crabtree:
It just hasn’t. It’s never, never.
Kathy:
I love it.
Corinne Crabtree:
But yet, people will just be like, “It just makes sense. I feel terrible about the scale, I should just go eat something.” I was like, “Bitch, if you want to lose weight, you shouldn’t go eat because the scale’s up. You should go look at your habits.” If they’re all in check, that’s just chemistry this week. So, get out of your diaper. Plain and simple. So, one thing we have to do is quit giving the scale the power.
Corinne Crabtree:
And if you’re a No BS woman and you’re still doing it, Conquering the Scale, one of the best courses that I have written in a long time. It is in there for you to use, so that you can have scale dominance throughout your entire weight loss journey and straight on into maintenance.
Corinne Crabtree:
The next thing that we have to quit doing is eating over stalls on the scale. Again, it is just like what I was saying, people will have like a two weeks where the scale won’t move. They’re like, “Oh, I have a good answer. I should go to the Golden Corral and go face down.” Intellectually, all of you know that makes no sense. If the scale is not moving, there has to be a reason. It may just be, you got to be patient.
Corinne Crabtree:
When I was losing weight, all you bitches out there, I had six weeks one time as an ultimate stall. I wanted to get below 200 so bad. And I was doing all the things, as they would say, and I literally was. When I actually looked at it, I was like, “Hell yeah, I’m doing all the things.” I had started training for a triathlon. I was eating great. I was so proud of myself. Every week I was just like, “Oh my God, look at me, I’m actually eating vegetables for the first time in my life.” That wasn’t mashed potatoes. God, I was so proud of myself.
Corinne Crabtree:
Oh, I was proud of training for this triathlon, because not only did I have to go to a beginner bike class, because I hadn’t rode a bike since I was nine years old, but I had to go to the swimming pool with my book in a Ziploc bag on the edge of the pool, to teach me how to swim. I was dedicated to doing this triathlon. And I was just over 200 pounds. In my mind, I should have been losing weight like butter sitting on the sidewalk on a hot day, it should just be melting off.
Corinne Crabtree:
Six weeks in, really hard to be proud of all my changes. Pissed off. Sitting there thinking, “Where’s my payoff? I should be losing.” It was in that moment when I was like, “Oh my God, you cannot think like old Corinne. Even if you’re not losing weight, intellect says that you are moving your body more than you ever have, you are learning new things and you are eating well. No matter what, you just have to keep going.” Thank God I did, because I think it was either a week or two weeks later when I did weigh-in, the scale finally started moving again. But because I had put so much new stress on my body, this is when I really started diving into the physiology of how the scale moves and this is why I include all of this in the stalls and plateaus course, is I had to look into it.
Corinne Crabtree:
And what I learned is when you put a lot of new stress on your body, your body overreacts, it’s like, “Oh my God, threat, threat, threat. She’s moving more. And she’s over here eating new foods. And I just want to stabilize everything until I know it’s safe to drop pounds again.” Our body is still very primitive y’all, so it takes stuff like that as an assault, like famine has happened. It’s like, bitch, there ain’t no famine happening here in Nolensville, Tennessee. But my body was like, “Where are we, in a third world country?” It’s like, “No, we’re just training for a triathlon.”
Corinne Crabtree:
But it took time for my body to get the message and I felt like shit, but I had to also tell myself in the moments when I wanted to give up, in the moments when I didn’t think it made sense, in the moments when all that happened, I had to tell myself, “There’s got to be a reason for this. You’re checking your habits. Everything looks like it should be working. So, we’re probably going to have to practice something that we’ve never done before inside of weight loss, it’s called patience.” I had to quit being impatient in order to lose weight.
Corinne Crabtree:
So, for all of my No BS women, if you are having natural stalls, you’re supposed to. Every time you lose a little chunk of weight, anticipate you’re going to have two to four weeks where the scale may not move. As long as your habits are in place and you’re tracking that data, there’s nothing to worry about. The body will kick start it again. If your habits are out of line, that ain’t a stall or plateau, it’s called eating your face off or having extra snacks.
Corinne Crabtree:
A lot of times, some of y’all to get the scale moving, you realize, “Oh yeah, that three o’clock snack that I keep thinking I’m so hungry on, I’m actually just fucking pissed that I have to still be at work until five, trying to pass the last two hours.” Some of you are going to have to give up-
Kathy:
Taking a break.
Corinne Crabtree:
Yeah. Some of y’all are going to have to take that shit out. That’s what your data’s telling you. The third thing that we have to stop doing is saying that you are doing all the things. Nobody knows if they’re doing all the things, unless they go through and they look at their data. Your data will tell you, if you still got overeating, you’re not doing all the things. You have opportunity. You have something to work on. You have your next step in weight loss. So, stop telling yourself you’re doing all the things, unless you’ve actually checked.
Corinne Crabtree:
I can’t tell y’all how many times I get on Sunday church. We come in for weight loss church. Every week just about, I coach somebody who’s like, “Hey, Corinne, I’m doing all the things.” I’m like, “Well, tell me about all them things.” And then when they start telling me, I’m like, “That is not all the things.” That is you wanting to lose weight while hanging onto some overeating. So, let’s just address why you keep this little habit around.
Corinne Crabtree:
And when we address those things, when we start thinking about, “All right, there’s nothing wrong with me having an overeating incident that I’m finding, that’s a repeated pattern.” That’s called an opportunity. No diet has ever helped me overcome the reason why I keep overeating during the eight o’clock window, the four o’clock window. Why I feel like at dinner, I should be a card carrying member of the clean plate club every night, whether I have had enough or not. So, those are your opportunities. So, we have to quit saying we’re doing all the things.
Corinne Crabtree:
There is a course also inside of No BS for all of you who associate with that, it’s called Taking Big-Ass Action. A lot of times we think we’re doing all the things and what we’re doing is we’re listening to my podcast every week. Y’all, if just throwing words out my mouth could make people lose weight, trust me, I’d have way more success than ever. You can’t just listen.
Corinne Crabtree:
I watch people all the time, they’re like, “Well, I’m doing worksheets and I listen to everything you say.” That’s not taking action. How many times this week did you wait for hunger? How many times this week did you stop at enough, even though you wanted more, even though it tasted good, even though your brain was acting like you’d never get it again, even though, you know your sad ass is going to put it on the menu tomorrow? It’s like, how many times did you override thoughts? That’s what I want to know. And Taking Big-Ass Action will help you understand the difference between half-ass action and big-ass action.
Corinne Crabtree:
The last thing that we have to stop doing, and this is important for my maintenance people, so please, if you’re in maintenance, I really want you to pay attention, we have to stop dismissive thinking. Now, anybody in their weight loss journey can practice this. Dismissive thinking sounds like this. Someone comes up and compliments you on your weight loss, maybe you’ve lost 20 pounds, they’re like, “Oh, wow. God, you’re looking so good.” And you say, “Well, thanks, but I’ve still got like 50 more to go.”
Corinne Crabtree:
Dismissive thinking is not ever going to feel really bad, but it also doesn’t feel good. Dismissive thinking is where we don’t take ownership for our success, we downplay our skills, our talents, our successes. And a lot of us were just conditioned to do that as women. But I will tell you, dismissive thinking is one of the things that I think absolutely kills people on their way to losing weight and it for sure causes a lot of regain in maintenance. Because if your sole goal is to feel better about yourself … I want you to think about this, why is it so important to you to lose your weight? You will have a lot of things that you’ll be able to do and that you’ll be able to think about yourself.
Corinne Crabtree:
At the end of the day, most of us want to feel proud, we want to feel in control of food, we want to feel good about ourselves, and we want to be happy. Dismissive thinking is the self-sabotage that prevents us from feeling those things. Somebody says, “Hey, you’ve lost all your weight.” And you’re like, “Yeah, I found a good coach.” I didn’t lose your weight. Not one of you have I come and visited your house and babysat you for six months, slapping food out of your mouth left and right. You did it. You listened to my shit. You made it happen. This was not a Corinne thing. This is not a coach thing.
Corinne Crabtree:
People will ask about like, “Oh, I just wish I could eat like you.” And the first thing you say is, “Well, it’s actually really hard for me.” Is it? Sometimes we just say that shit. And then when we say that, we start believing it. I want you to really think, God, if you’re able to plan whatever you want and just all you got to do is stop at enough. If you’re losing 30 or 40 pounds, is it hard for you? Or do you just say that to dismiss?
Corinne Crabtree:
It’s like, “You know what? I love that I eat this way. It’s been one of the best things I’ve ever gifted myself.” We have to quit dismissive thinking. And if you are a dismissive thinker, then you need to … I know not all of you are in maintenance inside of No BS, but there is in August, a lesson coming out in module two of the maintenance program. There’s a whole section called the Easing Up Trap. Why do we tend to ease up after we’ve lost our weight? We start introducing old eating patterns, all this stuff. So, I’m really breaking all of that down inside the maintenance program.
Corinne Crabtree:
There are going to be two videos about imposter syndrome inside of it. If you are dismissing, whether you are actively losing weight or you are in your maintenance, watch those videos, because it will explain what it sounds like, why it’s so detrimental, and then it’ll start going into how to dismantle it. Because the last thing I want for any of you is to lose your weight and then get to maintenance and feel like you’re starting all over again. And the reason why I did create the maintenance program is because very often there are just so many things that come up and I wanted y’all to have the tools, to be able to slide into maintenance, not just get there and be like, “Oh fuck. Now what?” So, I’m teaching you the now what, this is what we do next in maintenance.
Kathy:
I am so glad you’re doing this too, because I remember when I lost my weight, I had to hire a coach to help me with maintenance because I didn’t understand that I could just slide in. This whole transitioning into maintenance work that we’re doing in the membership right now, is just so good. It’s so good.
Kathy:
And I was giggling about your dismissive thinking. I’m sure you do remember this, but back in the day when I was a young weight loss client of yours, you used to teach us just to answer that with, “Thank you. I’ve been working very hard.”
Corinne Crabtree:
Yeah.
Kathy:
Whether we believed it or not, we were required to say those words, because then we started building the habit and the believability behind the words. Sometimes you just-
Corinne Crabtree:
Well that, and it stops you from saying all that bullshit too.
Kathy:
Right. Right.
Corinne Crabtree:
We have to quit verbalizing all that other crap.
Kathy:
Yeah.
Corinne Crabtree:
All right, everybody, that’s it for this week. Y’all have a good one and we will talk to you soon.
Corinne Crabtree:
Thank you so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to nobsfreecourse.com and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You’ll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcasts, help you lose your weight without all the bullshit diet advice. I’ll see you next week.
