I’m not calling anyone fat but I actually got this question recently from a client. It made me pause because I thought,
“Self, when you weighed 250lbs did you care how you would keep it off?”
My honest answer? Not really. I wanted to lose weight for so many reasons. My son was one and I was so fat and tired I was out of energy. I dreaded the day he would go to school and be ashamed of me. My husband would tell me he loved me and I all I could think about was why? Aren’t you disgusted by my mood, lack of sex drive, and fat? There were a lot of reasons at 30 years old I lost weight but I didn’t think about maintaining it until I was close to my goal. That’s just the truth so I GET WHY YOU would think, “Corinne is smoking crack making me work on all this mental crap.”
Big mistake. BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY DIETING CAREER is right there. The last 10 years have been harder than the days I was laser focused on making changes, being sexy, learning to run, and getting a fat pay out on the scale more often than not. I relied on people noticing my weight loss, the weekly weigh-in, and wearing smaller clothes. Trust me, I was riding high losing weight and for about a year after I lost.
Then it all stopped. Nobody gave a crap I had lost weight. I was now lumped into the category of “You’ve lost your weight so it’s EASY for you now.” Or, I was meeting new people and unfortunately I don’t have a tattoo on my forehead that say this girl lost 100lbs! People judged me on who I was TODAY and not what I was yesterday. That’s a good thing until you haven’t learned to feel good enough for WHO YOU ARE versus what others think. Just because I weigh 150 and not 250 didn’t change my insecurities. Sure my insecurities fit into a size 6 but they are squeezed in just like they were in my size 22’s.
It translated into many areas of life. Because I didn’t practice finding the real reasons behind my fears I had a hard time changing those insecurities. My thoughts went from “I’m too fat to do (insert a list of things I avoided in life),” to “I’ve always been too fat to do (insert most of those things) so why do I think I can do that now?”
There was ZERO proof that being fat had anything to do with 95% of the life I was avoiding, not loving, and undervaluing. Because I was fat I thought things like…
– No one would listen to me; they will just see a fat girl.
– I can’t run; people will notice me.
– I can’t eat healthy; I’m fat and love food too much.
– Finding a fulfilling job will be hard; I’m so fat they will judge me.
I had absolutely NO PROOF of these things but I lead my life with these thoughts never exploring them and disproving them. After I lost weight I just subbed them…
– Who would pay me to coach them? I’ve been fat most of my life.
– I can’t run fast. I was too fat for too long.
– I might be eating healthy now but we all know the food monster will always be with me.
– If I don’t look perfect people will think there she goes getting fat again.
You see why my biggest mistake was NOT working on how I thought about myself? I used being fat or a recovering fat person to NOT TRY THINGS. My problem wasn’t the weight; I simply needed to learn to take risks, drop the fear of what others think, quit under-valuing what I contributed to the world, be willing to set goals I may not reach, put myself warts and all out to the world, and have belief in my strengths, talents, and ability to push through failure to succeed.
NONE OF THOSE THINGS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT I WEIGH, WHAT SIZE MY PANTS ARE OR IF I’M BLOATED.
It’s important to understand this and do WORK WHILE YOU LOSE WEIGHT. I GET that being FAT is a MIND-F!CK!!!!! But do you want it to control your life or do you want to freaking put on the big girl panties and change shit? Yep, blunt but true. Your weight only really impacts your HEALTH. All this other stuff is you using being FAT AS A MASK to not try. I lived like that for so long that when I lost weight I didn’t know how to be happy, how to be a risk-taker, how to fail without fear, and more. Yep, my weight had jack-shit to do with those wasted years.
And I will tell you this, too. My 10lbs I’ve always thought would cure all my F-ing ills has nothing to do with it either. Your spouse doesn’t talk to you more losing 10lbs, a suck-butt job doesn’t get better 10lbs smaller, your kids aren’t suddenly wearing you out 10lbs smaller, that friend who is always needy is still going to suck you dry 10lbs smaller, managing your money actually GETS HARDER losing 10lbs because you want more clothes, and the house isn’t cleaner because momma lost 10lbs.
FIXING THOSE THINGS takes work; bitching about 10lbs DOESN’T. It’s just easy to talk and focus on so that you can delay the work.
I spent years after losing my weight paranoid I would gain it back. If I had practiced talking about my changes as if they are WHO I AM instead of things I do to lose weight I would have been free for years mentally!!!! Ever say crap like this?
“I gotta go to the gym IF I want to lose weight.”
“That looks good BUT I can’t have that and lose weight.”
“I better kill this workout if I want to have dessert this week.”
The crappy list goes on and on. I’m not saying you don’t need to workout, train hard, and eat healthy but what if you just said…
“Today my schedule says go to the gym.” – No emotional drama.
“Today I’m ready to kill this workout.” – No earning things for good behavior.
“No thanks.” – No drama because you just make a choice to not eat something.
See how easy it is for us to live in our head of emotional drama? That crap don’t go away because you lose 100lbs! You just start saying it different still arguing with yourself, try to “sell” yourself of your worth, and more.
In my opinion and it IS VALUABLE because I have experience and I’m damn smart…this is why people fail. They get to the finish line and forgot there’s more to the race than just changing on the outside. They start scared and finish in fear. If you truly want to lose weight AND keep it off focus on cutting the inner drama and making some REAL changes in your life.
I have all my personally coached clients work on this weekly with me because it really is THAT important. They probably think why aren’t we talking more about my macros but after a month when they lose some EMOTIONAL weight, well, shit gets real and we make lasting changes.