I can’t stand my TOM. Today is the day and it is always a toughie. Yesterday I was so tired I could barely function. Today I am tired, weepy, and got some cramps and crap.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because misery loves company! Just kidding. It’s about sharing those parts of my life that aren’t all about positivity and wicked motivation. Yesterday I ate like a bottomless pit. The first half of the day I was busy and running around. I wanted anything but vegetables. My food was like this:
B – cottage cheese with almond milk, pumpkin seeds, DANG coconut sea salt caramel chips and 2 pieces of Ezekiel Toast
L – Protein Bar and part of an apple (I just had zero desire for real food and the apple had a crap spot in it that pissed me off. Honeycrisps aren’t cheap ass apples.)
S – STARVING at this point because I fed cravings earlier instead of sustaining foods so ate leftover Peanut Butter Crackers I found in the race bag I’ve yet to pull out of the car and left over DANG coconut chips (these things are too DANG good).
D – 3 Chicken Thighs because now I’m craving meat and no cat is safe in the house. Leftover roasted butternut squash with goat cheese (big portion). This was actually good and easy. Oh I almost forgot I had a bag of Sun Chips craving salt. Just a small bag. I could’ve put a dent in a real bag, though, looking back.
S – So not hungry but now craving something sweet so I had an Arctic Zero I bought a couple of weeks ago. As I ate it I was like this is so good but man I am not even hungry.
S – Apple. I think I was actually thirsty but an apple sounded better!
There you have it. See, you are always going to have days where your choices are less than stellar and you eat like you have never heard of what moderation is. That’s just life.
I’ve had plenty of these type days in ten years of maintenance along with parties, holidays, date nights, and you name it. These days aren’t what kept my weight on all those years. The fact that I didn’t acknowledge them, hid from them, and tried to do extreme diets to make up for these days led me to 250 lbs.
Now I look at every day of my eating and think what can I do better NEXT or what can I LEARN from this? My goal is to evaluate and not berate, to assess and not criticize, and mostly to face the facts now rather than duck and cover.
Even yesterday there were tweaks to that day that saved a lot of calories which I learned from countless self-evaluations. I was going to be all F-it and have wine last night but thought, “You have wanted to eat today and you did. That’s what you needed so be happy with that.” A couple of things I ate even when I wasn’t hungry were choices I made over worse choices. I figured I don’t have to eat like an asshole to handle my hormones. Arctic Zero would do the trick over pulling out left over cheesecake Logan had from Sunday’s family date night.
So many times in my past I got caught up in feeling like one slip up meant I should just blow up. Now I think in terms of best choices in the moment. Every moment is different. Some days I’m in a great mood and a protein shake is the best choice after a workout. Some days I feel like road kill and it’s best to skip a meal because I have no appetite. Then there are days when my hungry button is off the charts so I roll with trying to make best choices for me in the moment.
I don’t get caught up in perfectionism with my moods or my foods. I immerse myself in being the best I can be in the given moment. Was yesterday my best day? No. It was best in terms that I stopped to think before each meal, figured out what purpose it would serve and accepted the responsibility of it.
Today I’m doing better and holding no regrets. 🙂 I’ve done a super simple food prep, honored my hunger, had a big ass salad for dinner, and enjoyed one glass of red wine. Now I’m putting my ass in bed early!